Entrance lion statue to the Neptune Memorial. Image from seawayblog.com.

The Neptune Memorial Reef is a culmination of two intersecting trends in America’s funeral industry: the increasing statistic of cremation in America, as well as a growing interest in environmentally conscious burials. Located several miles from the Key Biscayne in Miami, FL, the Neptune Society – a crematory service – has constructed one of the largest man-made marine reefs in the world. Among this reef is a funereal monument built with underwater pathways and statuary, where the remains of hundreds of people lay at rest.

The process of burial at the Neptune Memorial is unique, where ashes are mixed in with non-porous cement and molded into the design chosen by the deceased. These vessels are formed into aquatic shapes, such as seashells and other marine life. A bronze plaque is then fastened to the receptacle to identify the person enshrined.

The centerpiece. Image from neptunesociety.com.

The surviving relatives may travel by boat to be present for the placing of their loved one’s remains in the underwater memorial,  where they are afforded the chance to dive down 40 feet to visit the final resting place. The Neptune Memorial Reef is open to the public; it is accessible to those who are familiar with its deceased members, as well as other visitors, like recreational divers, who wish to behold the wonder and majesty of the Atlantean grave.

The memorial’s plan is symmetrically designed, where the centerpiece is a large urn placed squarely between four benches. One enters the site through a swinging gate, where they are greeted by steps leading to a platform, flanked by two classically rendered lions, and a pillared square supporting stone garlands.

A cremation receptacle in the shape of a starfish. Image from aquaviews.net.

The cremation receptacles are placed in radiating arrangements that surround the central structure. Since this is all built into an actual reef, it is alive with activity – from seaweed growing out from the masonry to schools of fish that inhabit its environs. The atmosphere lends itself to mythological heights; teeming with sea life, the memorial’s ancient appearance belies its recent age.

The reef itself has transformed a barren 16 acres of sea floor into an underwater wilderness, where diverse species of animals have returned in abundance. As much a restoration project as it is a burial site, the Neptune Memorial Reef works in compliance with nature, whose bounty exceeds the designated man-made plot to benefit the world beyond.

Image from coralmorphologic.com.

For Further Reading:

Visit the Neptune Memorial Reef website.
Watch this Travel Channel video on the reef.
Look at more pictures of the Neptune Memorial Reef on Pinterest.

Related articles

• Neptune Memorial Reef An Underwater Cemetery (mytechnologyworld9.blogspot.com)
• Neptune Society Minneapolis Proves Community Focus (virtual-strategy.com)
• The Reef (lightslant.wordpress.com)

Kelly: For those who may not be familiar, what exactly do you do at Eternal Reefs?

George: The simple explanation is we actually take cremated remains and mix them into concrete, which we then make into “reef balls” and place in the ocean. We actually encourage the families to participate in the making of the memorial: they can write messages in the concrete, leave handprints in the concrete, things like that. Overall, it’s a four-day process. The second day is the family fun day, where they can go shopping or whatever they wish while we get the reef ready for viewing. The next day it is ready for viewing, and we give them rubbing wax and paper so they can do rubbings of the plaque that goes with the memorial, and chalk for writing messages. If somebody’s doing military honors, we make sure they get their honors. The fourth day we take the family out on the boat and place the reef down in the water. We give each family the opportunity to go to the site to visit the memorial whenever they wish. In most cases, when somebody passes away, the family is powerless. Having buried everybody in my family, I know that it’s a very frustrating process. It’s great for the family to have a chance to be involved. It becomes more than just a memorial; it’s a personal tribute that they made with their own hands. We like to say it’s a way of healing the sea and the soul.

Kelly: That actually leads me into my next question, which is what’s it like working with people who opt to assist in making the reefs with a loved one’s remains?

George: We have an incredible advantage. It’s one of the beautiful things about choosing something like cremation. When families choose cremation there’s no urgency for a family to do something. They have time to plan and organize and do what they want to do. By the time people come to us, they’ve gone through the grieving process, so we get the best of all worlds. We get families that are willing to talk and we hear some really wonderful stories and about why this was what they wanted to do. We hear the very positive side of what people’s lives were. From our standpoint, we’re getting these people at a very good time. We’re not dealing with the heavy grief cycle.

Kelly: Why do you think more people are turning to cremation nowadays rather than traditional burial?

George: The funeral industry collectively says that cremation equals “cheap.” But every survey with reference to cremation shows that better educated, more affluent people choose cremation. With the current economy, that’s enhanced. People want value. They don’t see the value of something they’re gonna see for two or three hours and then put in the ground and never see again. The value that people used to place on a family cemetery plot is not the same as it used to be. With cremation, people don’t have to make emergency life preparations, like worrying about getting the kids out of school, arranging flights, and so on. They can sit back and say we’ll grieve for Mom, for Dad, and maybe when we all get together at Christmas, we’ll decide what we want to do for a memorial, for a service. It gives families the opportunity to sit back.

The next big thing that’s going to rock the funeral industry is conservation memorialization. That’s going to change their business even more than cremation did. The Green Burial Council is mostly focused on preserving ecosystems on land, but we do the same thing in the ocean. We do it at a fraction of the cost of traditional burial. It’s about feeling good and getting value out of what you’re doing with regards to memorial choice, and giving value to future generations. There’s a huge cost disparity between going with traditional and contemporary burial.

Kelly: I read on your website that back in 1998 Don Brawley’s father-in-law requested to have his remains put in a reef. Was this the first time anyone at Eternal Reefs considered including people’s remains in the reefs?

George: Absolutely, that was the inspiration. I had known that Don had been involved in developing reef ball technology in college. I was also dealing with my mother’s own illness at the time, so I was consciously aware of what was coming, and the things you have to think about. It just made perfect sense. These reefs end up contributing so much. You can track their growth and they really do exactly what they’re supposed to do.

An example of a decorated reef

Kelly: You include lots of helpful information on your website, like sources for grief support and end-of-life-planning. What was the transition like going from purely an environmental focus to such a personal one?

George: When we first started out, we simply didn’t encourage families being involved. We never said they couldn’t, but we didn’t encourage it. We thought, “Who in their right mind would want to roll up their sleeves out here and be part of this process?” But then the story about Ray Brent Marsh came out, about how he wasn’t performing the cremations he promised. The day that that hit the news, it changed everything. And we had brought out 60 third graders to learn how to make these reefs. We thought if we could manage them, we could manage families. We initially just thought families wouldn’t want to be involved. But you can literally watch people change in front of your eyes out here. Many parents burying their children say that their children didn’t get to live their lives to completion. We had a woman come in whose 21-year-old son took his own life. She had his box of remains clutched tightly to her chest with fists. There was clearly a lot of ownership attached. But then once she started mixing the concrete, things changed. She refused to wash the concrete off her hands. She had tears streaming down her cheeks and a smile on her face. She left looking 15 to 20 years younger. And there had apparently been an ugly divorce between her and her ex-husband. The ex-husband was there with his new wife and new family and this woman was there with her new husband and new family. And they stood with their arms around each other at their son’s memorial. And the man’s ex-wife commented to me that they had never had their families together like this, or seen the two of them get along this way.

You know, we’re reef builders, that’s our background. But we’re learning the value of involvement. All of a sudden, we’re watching the dynamics of these whole family interactions. We had two choices: we could say that’s not our business, or say, “Wow, look at what we’re doing, how we’re helping.” It’s a very positive process, a very healthy process.

Kelly: What advice would you offer to SevenPonds readers regarding end-of-life planning?

George: Families need to talk about what they want for their end-of-life plans. They need to put them in writing. There’s a thing called the  Five Wishes Document, it’s available online, and it’s a legally binding document in 40-plus states. It allows you to identify who’s responsible for your end-of-life plans when you’re not able to. When your family does not know what you want done, they don’t know what to do. They need to be clear with these wishes. You don’t have to use the document, but you need to sit down with your family and talk about what you want done and what you want handled. The one thing we know in the funeral business is that nobody is promised tomorrow. Putting these things in place is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your family because you know that people are going to carry out your wishes when you can’t advocate for yourself. Make it easy on your family and have your family make it easy on you. Putting it in writing is the best way you can assure yourself that what you want is going to be followed, and provide the guidance to your family.

Kelly: Thank you so much, Mr. Frankel!

“When a journey is in our future, it is never too soon to check out the travel guides and customs, and to learn the language of the world approaching.” – Stephen Levine

As the author and his wife face serious illness that has them quite possibly approaching the end-of-life, I picked up a copy of Stephen Levine’s 2009 book A Year to Live, in which the couple lived a full year as if it were their last. An author and teacher well-known for his work about death and dying, Levine undertook the experiment to see what he might discover about living by preparing to die.

A Year to Live teaches us how to live consciously and mindfully, every single day, hour, moment — as if it were our last. Through his work with people facing the end-of-life, Levine noted with dismay the regrets that many had, that they hadn’t fully lived their lives. When given a terminal diagnosis and just months or weeks to live, suddenly people found clarity and realized what was important to their lives — though with so little time left to live it. Levine decided, why wait for a terminal diagnosis to start living every moment fully?

The book follow’s Stephen and wife Ondrea‘s year-long journey, preparing for death and the lessons learned. Rather than a morbid experiment, this preparation was a “process of clarity, insight, and closure” that many don’t get to experience until it’s too late. So many of us work hard to ignore the inevitability of death, and never fully live because of it. We always think, “I’ve got tomorrow to do that.” We block our own death from our minds and find that when it approaches, we’re entirely unprepared.

Stephen and Ondrea Levine (Source)

Through A Year to Live, Levine provides a year-long program that anyone can adopt to start living more consciously and mindfully now, rather than wait for that diagnosis. By living each moment fully, we will not be left with loose ends, unfinished business, regrets, when we face the end-of-life.

It’s a great read for anyone who could use a nudge toward mindfulness in life, and those who need a hand in dealing with the approaching death of a loved one or their own. Levine’s practical strategies help you define, understand, and embrace death as a natural part of the journey of life. The program encourages you to meditate on life and death and come to fully appreciate every moment.

Image courtesy of listofimages.com

At the turn of the century, the Austrian philosopher Rudolf Steiner (1861-1925) planted the first seeds for the anthroposophical movement, which continues to thrive today. Steiner became literally and figuratively an architect of our physical and emotional well-being. His design for the Ita Wegman Institute in Switzerland, built in 1924 for the medical community, is still a center for anthroposophical research today. Anthroposophy defines itself as a philosophy “which maintains that, by virtue of self-discipline, cognitional experience of the spiritual world can be achieved” in our time on earth. And in its integration with the Christian religion, it encourages us to have a meaningful connection with our bodies not only when in our physical prime, but also when we are nearing death.

Through a sense of self-awareness around the subject of death, anthroposophy believes we can eradicate much of the abstract, crippling fear we reserve for death. And instead, we move on to foster a positive relationship with dying by engaging ourselves in conversations about the subject. Death, it asserts, is a natural aspect of human life — and it merits the same attention we give other aspects of our humanity.

Rudolf Steiner: Founder of the Anthroposophical Philosophy

SevenPonds spoke with Craig Wiggins, a local San Franciscan priest at a church whose teachings are inextricably bound to the anthroposophical philosophy. “Each ritual is different,” he says in regards to the services both proceeding and following a person’s death, “because it is tailored to the individual. And regarding the embalming process, we learn that Formaldehyde is a typically American fixation — it’s not common practice in Europe.” Their Christian community not only renders death more natural in conversation, but quite literally. Unless the family of the deceased has indicated a desire for the body embalmed, it is left in its natural state and placed in a coffin that utilizes non-invasive cooling that replaces the need for formaldehyde.

“Formaldehyde is a typically American fixation — it’s not common practice in Europe.”

Immediately following a death, he will usually participate in cleansing the loved one’s body and afterwards place it in a coffin that remains open for viewing and ritualistic purposes that last for about three days. “We try to let [the body] remain at home,” he father Wiggins, who has presided over approximately sixty rituals, “but if that’s not possible it is moved over to the church.”

Example of a room where the body is bathed before the service – Ita Wegman clinic in Switzerland

The process grants the spirit a sacred space, which is maintained by a vigil where the body is surrounded by loved ones. “The vigil itself is difficult to define,” states Reverend Wiggins, “as it’s tailored to each person.”

Father Wiggins’ church values the needs of the individual in death and life by helping its members feel comfortable with the process beforehand. “What we’re trying to do,” he explains, “is prepare the families beforehand about what their body’s presence is going be like after they die so it becomes less scary.”

• Contact Craig Wiggins For more information on the anthroposophical Christian Community at craig@wiggins.nl

• And check out another SevenPonds article on the positives of accepting death

Today, an important victory for advocates of end-of-life choice. The Vermont legislature passed the Patient Choice and Control at End of Life Act. The bill is similar to Oregon’s law, but reduces requirements for patients after three years, when Vermont physicians may practice aid-in-dying under professional practice standards instead of procedures adopted by the legislature.

This significant move makes Vermont:

• The first legislature in the nation to approve death with dignity.
• The first state in the East (and fourth in the nation) to affirmatively permit aid in dying.
• The first state to pass a bill that transitions to less government involvement.

After a tangled path through the Senate, the House approved the bill on the last day of the 2013 legislative session. The measure will take effect after the governor’s signature, which is expected.

This historic legislation was passed largely due to the efforts of many individuals in support of end-of-life freedom. Patient Choices Vermont has worked for ten years to see this victory. The nationwide Compassion & Choices supported their efforts in the long campaign, and commends Vermont legislators and supporters from across the country.

The legislation in Vermont demonstrates the momentum for end-of-life options that we’re seeing across the country as we embrace contemporary views on death. The efforts of organizations like Compassion & Choices’campaign in New Jersey, Massachusetts and Connecticut are sure to feel momentum from the Vermont win.

Creating a playlist for a loved one’s funeral can be a difficult task. What kind of message are you looking for in a funeral song? What’s the right tone to set? What kind of emotions will the songs bring about? While these questions can be daunting at first, there are some funeral songs that retain their popularity for a reason.

“Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole, for example, has every quality a great funeral song would require: touching lyrics, a catchy melody and soul. “Unforgettable,” it begins, “that’s what you are / Unforgettable though near or far / Like a song of love that clings to me / How the thought of you does things to me.” Those opening lines can relate to almost anyone who’s experienced the death of a loved one, and yet they feel personal at the same time. In a brief few minutes, the Nat King Cole lyrics guide you back to fond memories and unforgettable experiences. The tone and simple message allow for a personal moment to reflect on the loved ones who’ve passed.

If you’re feeling stumped at the thought of putting together a list of funeral songs, take a moment to listen to the words of Nat King Cole. “Unforgettable” might just be the one tried and true funeral song that speaks to you in an exceptional way.

Unforgettable, that’s what you are

Unforgettable though near or far

Like a song of love that clings to me

How the thought of you does things to me

Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way

And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay

That’s why, darling, it’s incredible

That someone so unforgettable

Thinks that I am unforgettable too

An unexpected gift from a SevenPonds reader

As SevenPonds grows, I continue to be deeply touched by fans who reach out to me in a multitude of ways.  I receive emails, calls, letters and some even approach me at conferences and events. I cannot begin to tell you how amazing it feels each time I realize we have touched someone in such a way that they take the time to contact us. It’s the octane that fuels me to move forward and not give up on the relentless hard work of building SevenPonds.

Last week in the mail arrived the most unusual fan gift yet, a padded envelope with a softcover version of Jessica Mitford’s classic book, “The America Way of Death.” There was no note and no real need for one since the book itself said it all, like a giant hand reaching out and nudging me, “read this!”

If you’re unfamiliar with this particular Mitford’s book, it’s a complete exposé of the high-pressure tactics of the funeral business, written back in 1963. The book led the Federal Trade Commission to create the “Funeral Rule” law to protect consumers shopping for funeral services. Let’s just say for those who have not read it, it’s a historical must.

The book landed on my desk just as I returned from the Association of Death Education and Counseling (or ADEC) annual conference in Hollywood. I spent 3 days attending lectures on the most innovative approaches and changes taking place within end-of-life care. I was surrounded by the most amazing experts, in fact, I had tears rolling down my cheeks in more than a few sessions. Talk about the new American way of death! Every ADEC-er is on their own mission to make the end-of-life process the best experience possible.  While much of the funeral business hangs on to its current state of affairs, the end-of-life experts who help us through the process before and after disposition are blazing new trails. They are shaking the dust off death, taking it out of the unspoken macabre shadows and into the beauty of the natural light of the cycle of life.

But back to Mitford’s book. Yes, I have read it. It was the very first book that I read over twenty three years ago, when I first started researching the topic of death and dying.  And yes, I’ve been at this for a long time and have more understanding of the industry than the casual reader would realize. I would have to agree with Mitford; change is much needed.

Town of Aurora, Indiana home of Aurora Caskets

Thankfully, there was a name and return address on the envelope. Thank you, Robert M. Rayme of Maryland, for your unique message. I’d also offer a big hug, too. Yup, I get it, rest assured. In fact, it was my own gut about how unnatural the practice of funerals felt that had me started on my journey to build SevenPonds. As you can tell from recent news in our blog, big changes with respect to death and dying are quickly happening, while the funeral industry remains relatively stagnant. As a funeral director once pointed out to me, regardless of your cultural, economic or educational background, all funerals in the U.S. are the same.

Times are changing, with home funerals and Taharah reemerging as examples of how we are returning to the practices of the past and taking control of how we want our end-of-life experience to be. And Robert — yes, I owe our readers more coverage on the death industry — be it good or bad.

My apologies to all who have reached out to me in the past to whom I have not had the time to answer — especially in an entire post like this.

For other very interesting posts on the funeral industry:

* One of my most-read posts journaling my shocking visit to Aurora Casket Company – a definite crowd pleaser.

* Our section on the Funeral Rule that protects consumers when shopping for funeral services. Do you know your rights?

* My post on how to shop for funeral services since the industry has a lot more going on than meets the eye.

* Thomas Lynch who, like me, also hails from the Detroit area (not far from the real Seven Ponds lakes) and is quintessential old-school. He writes beautiful poetry, and his book, “The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade” , is the most delightful read that offers an insider’s view of the industry and explains how a typical funeral director thinks.

I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that, here at SevenPonds, we’ve talked several times before about accepting our deaths and embracing the unknown. We know there are benefits to accepting death: making the end-of-life experience more peaceful, helping us move on after losing a loved one, ensuring we enjoy our lives to the fullest, etc. And yet there are a number of reasons why accepting death can be a scary process (to say the least). In The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo outlines the ways in which we can have more fulfilling lives and embrace our mortal destinies.

“The goal is not to cheat death, but to live in the stream with a humility and aliveness that only an acceptance of death can release.”

As hard as it may seem accepting death goes hand-in-hand with accepting and embracing life. As Nepo eloquently explains, “The goal is not to cheat death, but to live in the stream with a humility and aliveness that only an acceptance of death can release” (83). Let’s face it, the chances of any one of us beating death and living forever are pretty small. By embracing the fact that death is a natural part of life we can move on with greater clarity and appreciation for the time we do have. From that perspective our entire outlook on life can shift from negative to positive. As counterintuitive as it might sound, by embracing what seems to be the most negative aspect of human existence we can live in a more positive and uplifting space.

“When we try to deny death, we can grow sick from frantically chasing any challenge that will occupy our minds. In living the other extreme, we can grow sick from thinking only of death,from letting death be all that we see. This makes a sad career of fear.”

Photo credit: wasoxygen

In addition to the benefits of accepting death, denying death takes a great deal of unnecessary effort. Nepo elaborates on the exhausting pursuit of denying death: “When we try to deny death, we can grow sick from frantically chasing any challenge that will occupy our minds. In living the other extreme, we can grow sick from thinking only of death, from letting death be all that we see. This makes a sad career of fear” (83). Living in fear is no doubt a tiring prospect, and I can’t say I know anybody who wants to live this way. Still, by refusing to talk about death openly many people keep themselves locked in a fear-propelled cycle of denial. The task of opening ourselves up to the reality of death can feel too frightening to face at first, but by pushing ourselves we are ultimately rewarded.

Before I leave you to ponder the prospect of accepting death, I’ll leave you with a few questions from Nepo to get you started:

What is your greatest fear about dying?

What is your greatest fear about living?

Do these fears have anything in common?

How would you shape your life if you didn’t have these fears?

What if you shaped your life in this way anyway?

Kirsty Mitchell has been working on a project four years in the making, where she photographs fantastical, wildly radiant scenes of fairy-tail women in elaborate costumes. These story-book images are a tribute to the artist’s mother, who died in November 2008 of a brain tumor. To deal with the grief of her loss, Kirsty immersed herself in art — inventing a rich narrative of characters and places that mimicked the stories her mother read to her as a child. In doing so, Kirsty reflects on the woman who was such an inspiration to her, “My mother was an English teacher who spent over thirty years inspiring generations of children with her stories and plays. She was rarely seen without her head in a book, or writing in her own vast diaries, which she had kept since I was young.”

Her mother’s literary interests inspired Kirsty to delve into an imaginary world to alleviate her grief. Photography became a therapeutic outlet where Kirsty could channel her ineffable emotions into an artistic expression. “In the months that followed real life became a difficult place to deal with, and I found myself retreating further into an alternative existence through the portal of my camera. This escapism grew into the concept of creating an unexplained storybook without words, dedicated to her, that would echo the fragments of the fairytales she read to me constantly as a child.” Kirsty spearheaded this considerable undertaking while still working full time; she collaborated with make-up artists, costumiers and anyone who donated material, resources and time to the project.

Recognizing the tragic origin of the Wonderland series, Kirsty also acknowledges the silver-lining of being inspired by the loss of a loved one: “It is true to say that in losing my mother I lost so much, but this new, unexpected path has changed my life forever. So, no matter how sad the origins are, I am so very grateful for what has happened, and the precious friends I have gained. At present I still don’t know what the future holds, but the day I see my mother’s name printed on the inside cover of the Wonderland book… it will feel like I have finally fulfilled my promise to myself… and her precious memory. I miss her so much… This is for you mum…”

Visit Kirsty Mitchell’s website here.

Related articles

• Amazing Photography by Kirsty Mitchell (dogondesigns.org)
• Grief and Mother’s Day: National Grief Expert’s 10 Tips to Remember Mom with Peace (prweb.com)
• Wonderland, Photographer Makes Fairy Tale Photo Series Inspired by the Memory of Her Mother (laughingsquid.com)