Tag Archives: Funny Quotes

“The idea is to die young as late as possible.”

- Ashley Montagu
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“I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was, ‘Quote’ so the last thing I said before I died would be, ‘Unquote.'”

- Steven Wright
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“My uncle’s dying wish — he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”

- Rodney Dangerfield
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“We don’t understand death. And the proof of this is that we give dead people a pillow. I mean hey…I think if you can’t stretch out and get some solid rest at that point…I don’t see how bedding accessories really make the difference.”

- Jerry Seinfeld
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“Most people are dead. Did you know that? It’s true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.”

-- Louis C.K.
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“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

- Jerry Seinfeld
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