Ethical Will Preparation

Ethical wills are complementary to legal estate plan components such as wills, trusts, and advance directives. While these documents indicate the distribution of assets, guardianship of dependents, and preferences to be honored at the end of life, the ethical will helps to impart the emotional, psychological, and spiritual legacy of the person who died. It conveys personal values, hopes, lessons learned, and even the reasoning behind some decisions. It is becoming increasingly common for legal professionals to recommend storing ethical will letters, audio, and video recordings with the traditional legal documents necessary for an estate plan. 

While an estate plan can indicate who should receive assets, an ethical will may provide more context as to why some decisions were made, and this can reduce the overall confusion among surviving beneficiaries. Ethical wills may include important information about family histories, cultural or spiritual beliefs, or personal advice, which can impart values-based guidance that isn’t typically attainable through the legal paperwork attributed to the traditional estate plan. Additionally, the personal stories and expressions of gratitude or acknowledgement of regrets sometimes included in ethical wills can provide a sense of comfort and closure that generally isn’t achieved through the distribution of material assets. 

The information contained in an ethical will shouldn’t contradict other components of the estate plan, and certain aspects of what is communicated in the ethical will should be mirrored in other documents. For example, if an ethical will reflects that a certain family member should receive a specific item and explains the reasoning for it, this wish can only be honored if the legal will also indicates that the person should receive the item. Ethical wills are not legally binding, which means that any designation of who should receive which assets must be indicated directly in the legal will. Ultimately, the presence of an ethical will in an estate plan helps to transform it from a plan of transactional directives to valuable guidance resulting from a clearly defined and established legacy.

Sources

“Ethical Wills: Passing on Your Beliefs, Values, and Life Experiences”. Relational Estate and Elder Law. https://relational.law/practice-areas/ethical-wills/ 

“Navigating Ethical Issues in Estate Planning”. Trust & Will. https://trustandwill.com/learn/ethics-and-estate-planning 

“Ethical Considerations for Estate Planning”. Thapar Law. https://www.thaparlaw.com/practice-areas/estate-planning/ethical-considerations-for-estate-planning/ 

Yes, some professionals specialize in helping people create ethical wills. These professionals are sometimes known as legacy writers, personal historians, or ethical will facilitators. Other professionals who may assist with ethical will creation include financial planners, faith community members, and some death doulas. Regardless of their specific role, these experts are knowledgeable about helping individuals create thoughtful documents that communicate important reflections and insights to loved ones before the end of life. 

What is included in an ethical will may vary depending on the professional you collaborate with for the creation process and the overall focus of the document. For example, financial planners can assist with ethical wills and may encourage further reflection on important insights or takeaways you have had regarding your values and wishes related to an estate plan or how to plan for the future. A faith community member may approach the ethical will creation process from a perspective that more directly emphasizes spirituality and personal beliefs. In contrast, some death doulas may focus on prominent experiences integral to understanding your perspectives regarding life and death. It is important to note that the typical cost of working with a professional to develop your ethical will can vary depending on the services they offer and the extent of their expertise. 

Additionally, many individuals choose to involve their family or loved ones in the process of creating an ethical will. There are also professional writers, storytellers, specialists, and even services that can guide you in creating an ethical will that accurately captures your wisdom, insights, and your larger legacy. These professionals can assist with identifying areas of focus, crucial questions about milestones, or even overcoming writer’s block. Ultimately, working with a professional to write your ethical will is an excellent option when seeking to create a memorable gift or keepsake that will be cherished across generations. 

Sources 

“An ethical will or legacy letter: Another way to be remembered.” Minnesota Good Age. https://www.mngoodage.com/health/real-aging/2023/10/an-ethical-will-or-legacy-letter-another-way-to-be-remembered/ 

“Beyond possessions and assets: Creating an ethical will.” Neptune Society. https://preplan.neptunesociety.com/resources/beyond-possessions-and-assets-creating-an-ethical-will 

“Leaving a lasting legacy: A scoping review of ethical wills.” National Library of Medicine. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9636071/ 

Personal Historians Network Northeast. https://www.phnn.org/

Personal Historians Northwest. https://personalhistoriansnw.com/join-us/

Yes, technological advances have helped simplify the process of creating an ethical will. There are digital platforms, tools, and resources to facilitate the writing process further. Incorporating technology introduces various options that allow individuals to customize their ethical wills according to their preferences and needs. It can also make the creation of an ethical will more accessible to individuals who are unable to physically write on their own. 

Those interested in using a digital platform or similar technology to create an ethical will are encouraged to spend some time researching potential options, reading online reviews, and viewing tutorials if available. These components are necessary for making an informed decision and will increase the likelihood of selecting an option with the features and functionality that match their personal preferences. Perhaps the most easily accessible technology now available for ethical will creation involves the use of artificial intelligence tools, but like many other options, these technologies must be used with caution. 

For individuals who struggle knowing what information to include in an ethical will, Everplans has digital ethical will worksheets that include questions and other thought-provoking prompts. These resources can help with the brainstorming and reflection process regarding personal experiences, professional background, beliefs, and other important insights. There are also apps and similar tools available on smartphones and tablets to help direct the creation process. 

One of the most helpful ways to use technology in the brainstorming process is to record yourself talking to yourself or to a loved one about what you think you want to include in your ethical will. Upload your recording to an online transcription service to see your thoughts and words on paper. This transcript will give you some foundational language that can be very helpful in composing your letter. 

When technology is used, video clips and sounds can be incorporated into a digital ethical will that features a variety of media. For individuals who are physically unable to write, some law firms assist in creating video ethical wills. Professional videographers film the person in need of an ethical will and then professionally edit the media into a shorter video that can be shared with family. Since recording video is far more easily accessible with the use of smartphones, close friends or family members can proactively help their loved one record a video ethical will as an alternative to investing in a professional service.

Sources 

“Download and fill out your ethical will.” EverPlans. https://www.everplans.com/articles/download-and-fill-out-your-ethical-will 

“How to use tech to create an ethical will.” Wired. https://www.wired.com/story/how-to-create-ethical-will/ 

“The ethical will, an ancient concept, is revamped for the tech age.” The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/01/your-money/the-ethical-will-an-ancient-concept-is-revamped-for-the-tech-age.html 

HereAfter AI app for ethical wills: https://www.hereafter.ai/ 

Based loosely on the advice found in Dr. Ira Byock’s 2004 classic book, “The Four Things That Matter Most,” a life review is a series of tasks that encourage an individual to inquire about who and what is most important in their life. According to Stanford Medicine, which created the “Who Matters Most” template to guide their clients in completing the tasks, it is one of the most meaningful things a person can do, and one that has helped thousands of patients in various stages of serious illness achieve “a measure of peace that comes from deep reflection about key life experiences, and the important relationships they have cultivated.” The process is valuable for people in all stages of life, but it has also been used as a therapeutic tool to help the elderly and those who are seriously ill find value and meaning in their lives. When completed, it can serve as the basis of an ethical or heart will. 

The life review process consists of seven tasks that can be completed in written form, orally, or on video or audio tape. They are:

1. Acknowledge those who matter most to you. Explore their achievements and what they meant to you, and tell the person how proud you are of them and their accomplishments. 
2. Remember important moments from your life. Think about the times you were happiest or the events that left a lasting impression on you. These can be milestone events like the birth of your first child or treasured memories of time spent with those you love. 
3. Apologize to those you have hurt. Many people carry a tremendous amount of guilt and regret because of hurtful things they have done in the past. A life review is the time to finally ask forgiveness of those you love and to forgive yourself for those mistakes.
4. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt you. Just as you may carry regret for the hurtful things you have done to those you love, so, too, do the people who have hurt you. During your life review, tell those people — whoever they are — that the past is forgotten and you forgive them for causing you pain. This simple act will offer them comfort and help you let go of any resentments from the past. 
5. Say thank you. Express your gratitude to your loved ones for all they have done for you throughout your life. If you can, mention specific instances when their love and care helped you through a difficult time or gave you hope and solace when you felt alone and overwhelmed.
6. Express your love for the important people in your life. Although your friends and family know you love them, hearing the words or seeing them written on a page offers another level of comfort and support. 
7. Say goodbye. Even if you’re not close to dying when you do your life review, it’s important to say goodbye to those you love. Tell them how much you will miss them, and ask them to remember how much they are loved. This can be very uncomfortable for some individuals, so feel free to skip this step until you’re ready.

The beauty of the process of doing a life review is that it provides a natural structure for writing an ethical will that is focused on the emotional well-being of both the writer and the recipients, expressing love, gratitude and forgiveness. For many people, these kind of messages are what they most want to share with their loved ones in the enduring format of an ethical will. 

When you have completed your life review, it can be very rewarding to share it with those you love in whatever format you’ve chosen. If you feel uncomfortable doing so, give it to a trusted friend to share with them either before or following your death. 

Sources

“Book Overview: The Four Things That Matter Most”. Ira Byock. https://irabyock.org/books/the-four-things-that-matter-most/

“Stanford Medicine Letter Project”. Stanford Medicine. https://med.stanford.edu/letter/friendsandfamily.html