How to Divide Family Heirlooms
My mom with my grandparents in their home, all items are now all bestowed.
It’s rather expected that every mother has her own set of rules she expects her children to abide by. As far back as I can remember, one of my mother’s top rules was a method she wanted us to use to divide family heirlooms. I would agree it’s not your usual kind of mom rule; but then my mom is not your usual mom. Over the years she’s made it clear to me and my brothers that when it comes time to divide the family heirlooms, she wants us to get along. She also wants us to have the opportunity to select that which we most treasure. I’ve heard her state this method so many times, it will be rote by the time we gather to divide the furniture, jewelry, dishware and art my parents have accumulated over their lifetime. It’s actually quite simple. Here are her rules when all of us three children gather together:
- Rule number one – No spouses or grandchildren are to be present. If they want a certain item, they can let each of us know ahead of time.
- Rule number two – Put the numbers 1, 2 & 3 on a piece of paper and fold them up. Each of us is to draw a number out of a hat.
- Rule number three – Whoever has number one goes first to pick what they want, then number two, and so on in rotation until we have picked all the items we want.
- Rule number four – If someone really must have a certain item, speak up at the beginning; and hopefully the other two of us are kind to let them have it before the selecting begins.
- Rule number five – Hire an estate liquidation service to hold a house sale and sell off what’s left. Then divide the cash evenly.
Mothers being as they are, I suspect upon reading this my mom will probably correct me on the above stated instructions.
What’s interesting about many of the items my parents own is that they purchased them at estate sales, also referred to as house sales. Much of my childhood was spent with my parents on the weekends “house saling” (note not a proper word) as we called it in the Detroit area. Consequently much of the furniture, housewares and jewelry they own has a double meaning for me, having seen the previous home in which the item resided. Each heirloom possess a double life and double the memories for me. House sales are fascinating and I highly recommend them – who doesn’t love finding a treasure!
My treasured Bernina
This method must be a good one, since it worked when my grandfather died back in the early ’90s. My mom, her brother and sister split up all of my grandparents’ heirlooms together in Florida. My mom had asked me ahead of time what I wanted, and so she brought back to Michigan my grandmother’s Swiss Bernina sewing machine. It’s a great machine and I especially treasure it since my grandmother made many of her fashionable outfits with it. All the furniture was divided up and trucked in many directions (Michigan, Washington and California) for my aunt and uncle to then bestow on many of my cousins.
Dividing up family heirlooms can be tricky. But I must say, my mom’s method is a good to consider.
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My parents recently passed and my sister who is the executer is planning to have all household items sold in an estate sale and the cash divided between all five of us. Any of us surviving children who want an item need to buy it. The trust did not state this. It stated that any household item that more than one of us wanted, the names should be put in a hat. It seems that some of the items are fairly valuable and that only one of my brothers want one piece. My brothers and sisters all live in Maryland and I live in California. There are 3 items I want which are probably some of the more valuable ones. I want them because those are the items I liked the best and loved seeing them in my parents home. I know I would have to pay for shipping which I was willing to do. I believe my parents wanted things kept in the family as much as possible. They had written in detail that any of us children who wanted to buy the house would get it at a reduced amount. No one is able to buy the house but I feel it gives the feeling that their mindset was to try and keep things in the family. We have always gotten along but this whole process has been horrible. My sister became irate and started screaming at me when I requested to look at the trust before i flew home after the funeral. Nothing has been run by me as when to sell the house or what to spend and what to do to get it ready to sell, I have felt invisible. i plan on changing my living trust and making all 3 of my children executers. It may be more complicated but at least they would have equal say.
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