13 Heartfelt Ways to Celebrate the Holidays with a Loved One on Hospice Care

The Lights of Love holiday memorial event hosted at Lightways Hospice Care
Credit: Lightways

The holiday season is a perfect time for remembrance and celebration, but traditions can often look a little different for families with loved ones in hospice care. Patrice Martin has collaborated with Lightways’ grief counselors, music therapists, and child life specialists to provide SevenPonds with some heartfelt ways families can create meaningful holidays with their loved ones in hospice care.

Editor’s note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What is your current and previous experience in hospice care or at Lightways?

I am currently the Director of Grief and Integrative Therapies at Lightways Hospice and Serious Illness Care in Joliet, Illinois. As a clinical social worker, I have been working in the hospice setting for 22 years, providing both direct care to hospice patients and families, as well as overseeing the grief support program. I also now oversee the Integrative Therapies Program, which provides music and massage therapy to hospice patients.

Patrice Martin, Director of Grief and Integrative Therapies

Are there any formal or organized community events at Lightways or in hospice care?

There are many opportunities in hospice to celebrate holidays with community events. No two hospice patients are alike, and with so many different mobility levels, community events can be a wonderful way to spend the holidays. At Lightways, there are several organized events around the holiday season to help families celebrate. Local churches can also have gift drives and holiday dinners for families with fewer resources. These organized holiday celebrations can be a fun way to create new traditions and memories. You can contact your hospice care team to see what events are taking place in your loved one’s hospice community to help manage any feelings of isolation that may become more prevalent during the holidays.

How can families create meaningful traditions when their loved one has limited energy or mobility?

Some loved ones in hospice care will experience peaks and valleys of energy. I recommend adapting holiday celebrations to help your loved one celebrate. Consider adjusting your loved one’s gathering in terms of length and activities involved, as they may not want celebrations that are as long or involve high-energy activities. Be sure to include them even if their traditional roles can’t be filled in the same way; for example, instead of carving the turkey, they can hand the knife to the next generation or supervise the activity. Choose a time when your loved one might have the highest energy levels, and pay attention to their needs. You may want to come up with a Plan A and a Plan B to prepare for unexpected delays or emergencies. Some great low-energy ways to have fun include listening to music, watching movies, or playing light games.

What should loved ones remember during holiday celebrations?

When you’re caring for a loved one, especially during a busy time like the holidays, taking time to reflect and sit with them is often easier said than done. Many grief clients that I have worked with often regret not sitting with their person and appreciating them after they’ve gone, as it’s easy to get caught up in caregiving, medication management, and other busy work. Sit together as a family and just talk; look back on the previous year and your lives together. Share special memories of the year or specific holidays. Reflection can be so important for both you and your loved one in hospice care.

What are some fun ways to reflect with a loved one in hospice care?

For families who like to get creative, you can share a favorite memory from a holiday or the past year. Writing each memory on a crafted snowflake and placing it in a jar can make excellent table settings, ornaments, or other decor. You can also write the memories down on a slip of paper, and chain them together as a holiday “memory garland.” Drawing pictures can help immensely with memory connection as well, especially for little ones. Try creating a family thumbprint Christmas or holiday tree where fingerprints are ornaments. The child life specialist team at Lifeways recommends “memory making,” or creating a fun memory in itself, around the creation of keepsakes. Laughing about messing up a craft project is a perfect example of this. 

A holiday memorial ornament for Lightways event Lights of Love

What are some ways to remember and cherish memories during the holidays?

Preserving your loved one’s voice or face in an audio or video recording can help you look back and cherish memories. You can film, record, or write down your loved one’s favorite memories together. Grief clients are often comforted by the sound of their loved one’s voice or handwriting; it’s not unusual for one to get a tattoo of their loved one’s handwriting or signature as well. You can also frame handwriting or written memories from your loved one. Preserving these memories in written or recorded form can help you cherish your time together. 

You mentioned Lightways offers music therapy. How can loved ones in hospice create holiday celebrations with music?

Holiday memories often involve music, and it’s a great way to unwind, reflect, and relieve stress. You can incorporate music into your loved one’s holiday celebration in many different ways. Families can create a holiday song memory booklet by listing meaningful songs and memories that come along with them; you can include photos, lyrics, or handwritten notes to take out every holiday. For future generations, creating a personalized holiday playlist that incorporates family favorites, especially if there are treasured religious or cultural songs, can help create meaningful family traditions. While not all hospice care has music therapists, you can come up with songs that your family associates with positive memories, such as gratitude, love, and courtesy. If there are music therapists available to your loved one, they may want to write a song with them and record themselves singing it; this can make a great gift for your family down the line, especially if there are musicians in the family. At Lightways, music therapists often involve the entire family in songwriting sessions; a humorous family song or gratitude-themed piece during the holidays can be very special. Loved ones can bring out instruments that work well with their mobility level.

How can families look toward future holiday celebrations with a loved one in hospice care?

A large part of grief therapy work involves creating memories and legacies for loved ones. Choosing what lives on after a loved one dies is an excellent way to maintain a feeling of connection and closeness. You can start meaningful conversations about how you can remember, honor, and continue your loved one’s passions and traditions. For instance, if your loved one was passionate about helping others, donating time at a food pantry every year can help follow that tradition and create something meaningful for future generations. Showing appreciation for what your loved one has taught you or the family can help express what they mean to you.

Music played by the bedside for a hospice family member
Credit: Lightways

Food is a major player in many holiday celebrations. How do you navigate limited appetites at this time?

Your loved one may not have a full appetite, but you can share holiday joy and traditions by making their favorite holiday foods or desserts without pressuring them to eat. For future generations, writing down favorite family recipes, especially holiday recipes, can help you create culinary magic for years to come.

If you have to give readers any advice about spending time (or holiday time) with loved ones on hospice, what would it be?

Rely on your hospice team. Hospice is an interdisciplinary team, not just medical providers; they have many disciplines for hospice patients and families to help bring more quality into their lives. Hospice teams can help loved ones do many things, such as visit their family for the holidays or bring them over for a celebration, write letters to family, give gifts or meaningful items to families, reach out to charities for support or giving, and more. If your loved one is faithful, hospice can help patients reach out to their faith community and enjoy livestream or in-person church service connections or seasonal celebrations. Not all people are proficient with technology; hospice teams can get patients set up to make or take video calls for long-distance celebrations. New Year’s can be a big holiday for families, and hospice teams can help with celebrations and reaching out to the community. Hospice teams are very creative, and sharing with them what matters to you most during the holidays will allow them to help you celebrate in the way that will be most meaningful to you.

Let’s recap the heartfelt ways to spend with a loved one on hospice care!

• Learn the organized events your church or hospice community is organizing for the holidays
• Keep your loved one’s energy levels and schedule in mind when celebrating; be prepared to adjust the time or duration of activities
• Include them in traditional roles even if you have to adjust them a little bit
• Come up with a Plan A and Plan B to prepare for any emergencies or other concerns
• Take time to reflect on the previous year or your lives together
• Write a memory on a crafted snowflake and place it in a jar for table settings or ornaments
• Write memories on a slip of paper to create a memory chain holiday decoration
• Draw pictures together
• Try creating a family thumbprint Christmas or holiday tree where fingerprints are ornaments
• Film, record, or write down your loved one’s face, voice, or words about cherished holiday moments
• Create a holiday song memory booklet by listing meaningful songs or make your own holiday song together
• Create a legacy or tradition that can be passed on even when your loved one is gone
• Write down favorite family recipes, especially holiday recipes