For Those Who Have Lost A Spouse Today

It’s now acceptable to keep your loved one’s belongings

Just the other day we were ruminating about our past dating experiences when a friend mentioned a woman he dated who took special pleasure in talking lovingly about her dead husband. It got me thinking about all the women out there who relive their lives through the memories of their long-gone spouse (and the men of their dead wives). Through such tender thoughts and conversations, they continue to keep a memory alive. It allows widows and widowers to exist in both the present and the past, but most importantly to not be alone. Well, yes alone, but not fully alone.

There are no rules anymore – I repeat there are no rules. Purging belongings the first year or keeping them for a lifetime is all ok now.

Back in 2010, Lisa Niemi the widow of Patrick Swayze, announced to the press she was still texting Patrick “I love you”, even though he had been dead for almost a year. The text messages were not bouncing back and the receiver of his new phone number unknown to her.

My family at Seven Ponds – My parents, my brother, my cousins and uncle Dick seated. 

My aunt Loraine, who had lost my uncle Dick 3 decades ago, sill talks about my uncle every day keeping his memory very much alive. My beau Brian said his mother has multiple photos of his father surrounding her around the house, even though his father passed away 5 years ago. Not to mention that she also has all his belongings still in place. This is not uncommon and it dives much deeper than the expected beyond in loving memory.

Unlike the old days, when widows and widowers were told to get over the death in a year and move on, grief experts today have come to understand it’s healthy to heal by allowing a memory to live on within one’s own life.  There are no rules anymore – I repeat there are no rules. Purging belongings the first year or keeping them for a lifetime is all ok in today’s world.

Then there is the question of the widow or widower allowing their heart to open for someone new in their life. Some do and others never can, but that is another post for another day. On that note, I will leave you with some Beatles lyrics about people of the past and love.

 “Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I’ll often stop and think about them in my life, I’ll love you more.” –The Beatles