Our Monthly Tip: Conversations About Death at Thanksgiving Dinner

If you follow this site, you know that dying here in America isn’t always what it should be. According to the Stanford School of Medicine, 80 percent of Americans say they would prefer to die at home, though 60 percent actually die in hospitals. Of course, there is more to the question of dying than just where we die, but this number serves to illustrate the disparity between how we feel about death and our real-life experiences with it.

In many cases, this disparity can be avoided by simply having conversations about death with people you love. It’s easy: You just get together, you talk about what everyone expects or wants, and everyone walks away prepared for the inevitable.

Except it isn’t that easy. Not even close. It’s one of the most difficult topics anyone can address in a conversation, and if you need to have a conversation about death, you’ll need to do a little planning. With Thanksgiving approaching, I’d like to suggest the dinner table at this year’s event as a good forum for discussing death.

Conversations About Death How-to Suggestions:

Having “the talk” can be difficult, but I’d like to share some ideas to help you make Thanksgiving conversations about death easier:

• Don’t surprise anyone! This is an important moment, and people need to prepare for a conversation this important.
• Don’t argue. This is not an opportunity to discuss philosophy or anything else except a person’s personal wishes.
• Have this talk sooner rather than later. The sooner you address this, the sooner everyone will be on the same page.
• Be a good listener. This is a difficult subject, and if you get people talking you want them to know you’re hearing them.

While these are just general guidelines, there are a couple of specific resources I’m recommending for those that want to have the talk this Thanksgiving.

1. Death Over Dinner: This site has been used to plan successful conversations about death by thousands of people. It’s easy and free, and it provides with you with a script for your talk that includes reading, viewing and listening selections tailored to your wants.
2. Go Wish cards: This is a game to get the conversation started, and it really does work. Don’t just take my word for it, see how well it worked for our founder, Suzette.

As always, I hope you enjoy my personal favorite holiday, and well wishes to you and yours. If you plan to have the talk around the dinner table this year, my hopes for the best are with you. Do a little planning now, and you and your loved ones will be glad you did.