“Abuelo” by Gabriel Ramirez

I couldn’t be who I am
today if it wasn’t for you
being dead. It was time
for glitter, nail polish, and locs.
Glitter in my nail polish.
Glitter in my locs.
You wouldn’t have
loved me loving myself;
my joy rendered
inconvenience.
Sucked teeth keeping me
your grandson.
My love for the men
in our family
is complicated but
still love.

In “Abuelo,” Afro-Caribbean poet, Gabriel Ramirez, mourns the complicated loss of his grandfather, who would not have embraced his queer identity. In doing so, he echoes feminist writer bell hooks’ powerful lament in “The Will to Change,” her anti-patriarchal embrace of the male psyche: “Women and children cower in fear and various states of powerlessness, believing that the only way out of their suffering, their only hope is for men to die, for the patriarchal father not to come home.”

Credit: ramirezpoet.com

Ramirez imagines how his grandfather would have demonstrated disapproval at his glittery nail polish and locs, with “sucked teeth keeping me your grandson.” Yet now that his grandfather is dead, he finds it easier to accept and be accepted by him.

There’s nothing
I could hide from you,
Abuelo. You are no longer
of your prejudices and
while I can still
hold you accountable
I’d rather be held
by your body of stars.
Your new understanding
of life without
the exhaustion
of matter.

Imagining his grandfather as having transcended not only his body but also his prejudices, Ramirez expresses gratitude for his cosmic nature. Now, he can love without the distance created by his Abuelo’s judgment, while also naming the hurt that it caused.

Psychologists acknowledge the importance — and the difficulty — of forgiving a deceased loved one. Some people find that reading and writing poetry is a good way to enhance wellbeing and resilience when facing such difficult tasks. For Ramirez, this approach may have played a key role. Ramirez states on his website that “poetry changed his life as a teenager.” He now uses his talents as a writer, performer, and teaching artist to cultivate the voices of other young people.

You can read the full text of “Abuelo,” or listen to a reading by Ramirez, on the Poetry Foundation’s web page.