Understanding How Autistic People Experience Grief

Credit: Arina Krasnikova

Most people believe that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Yet autistic people experience grief very differently.  Because of the sensory overload and communication challenges that those with autism experience, they often face additional barriers to grief support such as autistic meltdowns and tangled mental processes.

While grief and loss are commonly disruptive, autistic people who rely on sameness and routine can be affected in a more dramatic fashion. Writing in Psychology Today, author Hari Srinivasan noted that rather than following a rational trajectory, autistic grief is a “tangled bundle of trauma, isolation, depression and sadness” that can erupt at any time and cause daily disturbances.

Because of a lack of understanding and knowledge, neurodiverse people often don’t receive the kind of support they need during times of loss. Additionally, it is not uncommon for those with Asperger syndrome and high functioning autism to have other psychiatric co-morbidities such as depression and anxiety — complicating things still further.

Ways to Support Those With Autistic Grief

Credit: Karolina Grabowska

Fortunately, there are some resources available. The Autism & Grief Project offers ways to support and validate the grief of autistic adults – for those individuals themselves, as well as for family members, friends and support people. When delivering the news of a death, for example, the site advises some approaches common to informing neurotypical people – such as using the word “death” rather than a euphemism. However, it warns that autistic people may react differently, possibly by remaining calm while experiencing an intense reaction underneath; by withdrawing; or by ignoring the information.

In a video created by Exceptional Minds, an animation studio that trains and employs autistic artists, some autistic individuals share their experience with grief. Zachary Warren explains, “When my grandmother Gigi died because of Covid, it felt like Mrs. Claus died to me. Because every day when I visited her, it was like Christmas morning.” He went on to share how his emotions emerged stating, “Every night it’s like a bottle of water, or like a bottle of liquid overflowing. And once I lay down, that’s when the bottle cap just pops off and the tears come.”

To gain a better understanding of autistic grief, you can watch the short video from Exceptional Minds here: