How to Use Touch to Heal From the Loss of a Loved One? An Interview with Travis Sigley

Travis Sigley, founder of Cuddle Therapy

Travis Sigley is the founder of Cuddle Therapy in San Francisco; since 2009, he has run weekly workshops and developed his practice to work one-on-one with clients. While a strong proponent of all types of therapy, Travis realized that the element of physical touch and non-sexual intimacy was missing among the modalities of both traditional and alternative healing. His clientele ranges in age from 19 to seniors, and includes both men and women. Travis acknowledges that when people go through big transitions in their lives, from a move to a divorce to the loss of a loved one, physical contact may suddenly be dropped from their daily activity. Cuddle Therapy fills this void by offering a structured environment that provides tactile stimulation while inviting the individual to work on their own relationship with intimacy.

Julia: What is cuddle therapy? What makes it different than traditional therapy?

Travis: Cuddle Therapy is a business I began in San Francisco in order to create services and education around intimacy, affection, and non-sexual touch for those who need more help in the realm of intimacy and closeness. I provide cuddle and intimacy workshops and parties to create a social environment of safety, comfort, and child-like curiosity to help create intimate connections based on things in common rather than sexual attraction. I also offer one-on-one services to people who need a personal session with more privacy, safety, anonymity, and trust. These are very effective for those who just need to be held and work through any internal processes, confusion, stories or current states of life revolving around intimacy and connection.

Cuddle Therapy is different than traditional psychotherapy in a few different ways, but there is one in particular that really shows the biggest difference: my sessions focus more on touching rather than talking. Conversations are certainly had in the midst of our sessions, but sometimes my clients just want to be held in silence for the majority of the session, knowing that they’re connected, cared for and not alone. Soft, genuine touch can provide a sense of safety and relaxation for a lot of clients who otherwise have a hard time feeling this. This is where Cuddle Therapy is in a world of its own in relation to other forms of therapeutic services.

Julia: How can touch be used to help with dealing with the loss of a loved one?

Travis: In fact, I actually have a lot of sessions with those who are dealing with loss. It’s a challenging reality of life, but deep pain is bound to happen for all of us who love. Losing a loved one is world-shaking, and can potentially crumble a lot of our life that loved ones had been a part of before passing. Based on my own experience and those who I’ve worked with, one of the best things to remember is our own aliveness. Losing a loved one may leave us feeling very isolated and insular, totally unable to connect with the outside world for a while afterwards. This is an extreme case, but not necessarily an uncommon one. What I do with my Cuddle Therapy touch sessions is provide a safe, warm, loving space to process life. Being held brings a person into the present moment, letting him or her know fully that he or she is alive, still with a body, still with thoughts, and still able to share them with others. It’s a step towards healing and growing through this experience, and it’s a step in a very necessary direction from something that could feel overwhelmingly debilitating.

Julia: Do you have a personal story you would like to share about loss? How did you cope with it?

Travis: I lost a friend recently. He was my best friend, and he passed almost exactly a year ago. I had never experienced loss so close to me before, and aside from my family, there couldn’t have been anyone closer to me in my life. This also thrust me into a whole new world I’d never experienced. It was extremely sudden, and such loss made me lose my mind for a little while with the shock of such a huge shift in life. I became very emotionally unstable for a few months, never dangerously so, but in a way I’d never felt. Each day I had no clue what I would feel, and that made me very vulnerable.

As far as how I coped with it, I made a pointed effort to not isolate myself entirely. I knew alone time was good, and I took it when I needed it, but I made sure to still participate in my social life. Being around other friends and loved ones helped me immensely in my process, as it gave me an outlet for my thoughts and emotions in a very loving, non-judgmental environment. I luckily have friends who I feel safe cuddling with, and in the moments of feeling at a total loss, their presence helped me immensely in remembering that I’m not alone. Those two things coupled with my complete faith in the process of life and Love gave me the strength to heal through the grief, which at the time seemed never ending.

Julia: What advice do you have for people who are grieving?

Travis: If I was to give any advice, I would say a few things:
First, remember your loved one. Consciously think about him or her and the excellent times you spent together that helped shape you to be who you are today. Ignoring the loss will only build up into more intense, long-lasting pain.
Second, stay close to your living loved ones. In the process of grief, we’re painfully aware that we will lose the loved ones in our life. This can either make us detach from our friends in order to save us from future pain, or thrust us further into their lives with open arms and deep appreciation knowing that it’s ultimately a temporary relationship, and to soak it up while we can. So soak them up!
Third, treat your body well. Eat well, exercise, cuddle with your loved ones/pets and remember the importance of your own body that you inhabit. A healthy body will help maintain a healthy you!

Julia: Anything else you would like to share?

Travis: I just want to share a thought: each and every one of us is never alone. Even in the moments of entirely overwhelming grief, we can pull out of them, and come back to the world around us. We all experience deep loss, deep love and all other forms of the depths of life. It may look differently for each person, but we’re certainly feeling life. I’m grateful for the chance to experience life, and am up for the challenge of what that means. I wish all who are grieving the best I can, and I have faith that the process will leave us stronger, happier and more able to Love the world around us.

Further Reading:
The website for Cuddle Therapy.
Travis Sigley in the Huffington Post.
Cuddle Therapy on ABC News.