What is sea burial? An Interview with Anya and Ken Shortridge

A wake on the open sea

“Ashes on the Sea,” a small company run by Ken and Anya Shortridge, has been providing beautiful, personalized ocean burial services to the San Diego area since 1997.  Anya and Ken agreed to speak with SevenPonds about what their practice has taught them of ritual and the cleansing power of the sea:

Aurora: What inspired you to begin Ashes on the Sea?

Anya: When Ken’s father died, his mother told him he had requested his ashes be scattered at sea. Ken was the only relative living near the ocean and volunteered to make his father’s wishes happen. Investigating all of the regulations and methods brought a few challenges and Ken wondered, “What do folks do who don’t live near the ocean or who need assistance carrying out a loved-one’s final request?” His answer was “Ashes on the Sea.”

Ken relates, “The experience was so unlike a land burial, unlike any funeral I had ever experienced. There was no feeling of gloom. The ocean air and atmosphere gave the occasion an almost pleasant quality, despite the reason for being there.”

Aurora: What types of people tend to opt for these services?

Anya: We meet a wide variety of folks from many walks of life, cultures, traditions, and faiths, who want to fulfill the last wishes of their loved one. Burial at sea may be dictated by the family’s religious affiliation. Or maybe the chosen destination was a favorite family vacation spot. Some families call us who do not like boats or boating, but their loved one absolutely lived for being on the ocean. For this we offer a “view from shore” service.

One older, petite lady from Tokyo, Japan flew in one morning with a small urn containing her husband’s ashes wrapped in a cloth. San Diego was his favorite place on earth. This is where he wanted to have his ashes scattered. It was just her and Ken on the boat. She placed the ashes in the water, a few mementos, and some cherry blossoms. She didn’t say one word, but her silent reflection was a powerful testimony of her love.  She flew home that very afternoon.

Aurora: Can you tell us about the different scattering and burial-at-sea processes people choose?

Anya: Very common today is the use of a basket to scatter the ashes.  We line the basket with tea leaves, carefully place the ashes in the basket, and top the basket off with rose petals. Families are enjoying a new addition to this method, by taking rice paper and writing memories on it and placing those memories in the basket as well. The basket is then lowered down into the ocean and scattered just beneath the surface of the water, reducing the often-feared ashes blow-back. The ashes sink, and the rose petals float to the surface, each petal becoming its own “sail” on the water, sailing in every direction as the family looks on in silent, peaceful contemplation.

Aurora: That sounds so lovely.

Anya: Other families purchase a biodegradable urn. The whole urn is placed into the ocean, after which flowers are tossed. The container usually floats a short while and then sinks to the ocean floor where it may take hours or days or longer to disintegrate.

A wreath atop scattered ashes

Aurora: What kind of response has Ashes on the Sea received?  How do families typically return to the dock?

Anya: We have prepared a lovely little booklet entitled “Family-Led Services” that assists our clients with answers to almost every question, while giving them some beautiful ideas about ways they may consider honoring their loved one.

It can be a very emotional time filled with tears and laughter as the family discusses memories of their loved one and then releases the ashes into the sea. The general mood and feeling coming back to the dock, however, cannot be described in words. It is a lightened load, a peaceful breeze, a refreshing calm that has come over everyone. The experience is the explanation. Being at sea has a universal healing, comforting effect. It’s as if the ocean cleanses the family and friends of their grief.

Aurora: Can you tell us a little about the Eternal Reefs Project, and your affiliation?

Anya: We have worked alongside Eternal Reefs, even spending 5 weeks with them in Florida in order to participate in each stage of the reef process: From creating the mold to the placement of the reef balls on site. The families are encouraged to take part in each stage of the process as well. Imagine! Your loved one’s ashes become part of a natural ecosystem that supports fish and other sea life for years to come. Presently we offer Eternal Reefs at sites in Ocean City, NJ; The Chesapeake Bay; Ocean City, MD; Charleston, SC; Miami/Ft. Lauderdale and Sarasota, FL. and Galveston, TX. We are assisting Eternal Reefs in their efforts to create these reefs in California waters and currently have a waiting list for families interested in this location.

Aurora: What are one or two of the most touching or unique memorials you have witnessed at sea?

Anya: We just love the creative ways our families find to honor their loved ones. The ones that touch us the most are when the families bring along very specific meaningful things to scatter with the ashes — we have had families bring all sorts of things: Johnny Walker Black Label Whiskey, herbs from the decedent’s garden, their loved one’s pet’s ashes, and one I will never forget: Gummy Bears!

The Viking Farewell: The father (the deceased) had hand-carved a three-foot Viking Ship out of balsa wood complete with shields, little compartments and minute details. Each member of the family filled his or her own compartment with something meaningful to them. After they held the service, they lowered the Viking ship into the water and set it free into the Pacific. It was very moving.

Another time we were holding the service on the boat, and the surfer friends of the man who had died paddled out to meet us… It was as if he was right there among them.

Ken and Anya Shortridge

We’d love to share this handwritten note we received this week:

“Anya & Ken – Thank you so much for making our late son’s service so meaningful. You both helped us through a difficult time with your compassion and professionalism. We very much appreciate all your efforts. Thanks again. Sincerely, J & D”

Aurora: Thank you so much, Anya and Ken!