Deathbed Visions as Messages for the Living

Join SevenPonds each month as Tani Bahti, RN, CT, CHPN, offers practical on-hand guidance to demystify the dying process. As an RN since 1976, Tani has been working to empower families and healthcare professionals to have the best end-of-life experience possible both through education and the development of helpful tools and resources. The current Director of Pathways, Tani is also the author of “Dying to Know, Straight talk about Death and Dying,” considered by SevenPonds as one of the most practical books on the topic. Founder Suzette Sherman says this is “the book I will have at the bedside of my dying parents some day, hopefully a very long time from now.” 

Only 27 and close to death, Dan’s family anxiously surrounded his bed.

Pointing towards his feet, Dan asked, “Who is that little boy at the end of my bed?” When no one else saw him, he offered a description: “A blond boy – maybe three years old.” His mother’s eyes grew big as she quickly left the room, returning moments later with a photograph in her hand. Showing him the picture that revealed a 3-year-old blond boy, Dan exclaimed, “That’s him! How did you get his picture?” She tearfully told him he had a brother, who had died before he was born. That was him.

 In the midst of the pain of losing a second son, she felt some comfort in feeling that they were together, and that one day, she would see them both again.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in visions. What does matter is that if your loved one is experiencing a vision, and it means something to him.

Not just a deathbed phenomenon, visions can happen days and even months before death. Studies reveal the most common vision is of family member(s) who have died before them, but may also include children, animals or religious figures. Even when you observe them talking to or reaching out to someone unseen by you, the dying person cannot always tell you who they are seeing. But if the person can share their vision, it often provides both a glimpse into their journey and the mystery and solace about the dying process. It can comfort you to know that your loved one will not be alone when death occurs.

Children and animals may also be able to see the visions that adults cannot.

Little Alicia was as desperate to visit her beloved Nana as her grandmother was to see her before she died. The family worried that it would be too difficult for the three year old, but unfazed, Alicia jumped onto the bed and gave her grandmother a big hug. She then pulled back and looked just above her Nana’s head and began to giggle. Not expecting this response, the family asked her why she was giggling, and she happily pointed while she explained, “Look at all the angels above Nana’s head!”

Sometimes a vision will come in what feels like a dream.

Sandra tearfully talked about her unrelenting distress the first week after her daughter was killed by a drunk driver. She fell into an exhausted sleep and dreamt of being in a rising elevator. Finally reaching the top, the doors opened to reveal her radiant and smiling daughter. Holding up her hand to keep the Sandra from joining her, she sweetly said, “I’m fine, Mom. I just want you to see I am happy and whole.” The doors closed and the elevator returned to the bottom. Although the pain of loss remained, Sandra awoke with a sense of peace and gratitude.

 Visions for the dying person and for the survivors can take the form of dreams, a sense of touch, familiar smell, sound and more.  Accept the experience as a gift and allow yourself to embrace it to find your own meaning and peace without doubt or fear.

Those who are dying or have experienced a death have much to teach us if we are willing to be open, to listen and to learn.

“The most beautiful things we can experience is the mysterious.”

-Albert Einstein

Take a look at a copy of Tani’s book “Dying to Know, Straight talk about Death and Dying” to help demystify the process and offer words of wisdom on the many aspects of dying.