“Dance with my Father” by Luther Vandross

Losing someone with whom you were extremely close to is never easy. It will stick with you for the rest of your life. As some of you may have seen in other articles on the site, such as our review of Transforming Loss, grief has the power to change you, depending on what you make of it. But what may not always be articulated as clearly is that grief can never be tossed away completely, regardless of how old someone is when a loved one is lost.

This message rings loud and clear in Luther Vandross’ 2003 song “Dance with my Father,” in which he sings about distant memories of the relationship that he cherished between his father, his mother and himself before his father passed away due to diabetes complications when Luther was barely 8 years old. The song itself was an immediate chart-topper that struck a chord with countless radio listeners who would phone in constantly requesting the song. With Vandross’ lyrical talents, in conjunction with collaboration partner Richard Marx, it is not hard to see where this popularity came from.

Credit: Wikipedia

As the song is introduced, Vandross sings, “My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then/Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep/Then up the stairs he would carry me/And I knew for sure I was loved,” recalling memories of the precious few moments that he had with his father. In these few lines, the clarity and adoration of these memories of a young Vandross create a powerful image that solidifies the deep impact that family can have on us, even if our time with them is brief.

Grief can never be tossed away completely, regardless of how old someone is when a loved one is lost.

In a later verse, Vandross sings, “If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him/I’d play a song that would never, ever end.” Vandross’ longing in this line is, for myself, the most miraculous and relatable part of the song. Although I have not lost my father, I did lose my grandfather at a very young age, and thus, my memories of him are very brief and incomplete. But despite that, when I do think of him and hear other family members tell stories about him, I do still feel a loss for never having gotten to spend as much time with him as I would have liked. In the song, even though Vandross’ memories are very simple, the emotions behind them are strong and his grief is still deeply rooted in the person he has become.

These memories of a young Vandross create a powerful image that solidifies the deep impact that family can have on us, even if our time with them is brief.

Finally, the lyrics build up to most heartbreaking part of the song as Vandross accounts for his mother’s grief as well, singing, “I pray for her even more than me/I know I’m praying for much too much/But could you send back the only man she loved/I know you don’t do it usually/But dear Lord she’s dying/To dance with my father again.” In these lines, as Vandross speaks of his mother’s grief, he shows us how sorrow can run deep through family ties. Grief is nothing, if not complicated, and the pain that we feel is often reaffirmed when we share it with family members. Sometimes it can be much harder to see our family dealing with this pain than it is when we bear it ourselves.

Watch the full music video here:

Find the full lyrics here: Luther Vandross “Dance with my Father”

Related SevenPonds Articles:

•  What is Child Bereavement Care? An Interview with Peter Willig
• Thinking Positively
• How Does One Deal with Loss? An Interview with Dr. Kristine Kevorkian