“Lay Me Down” by Sam Smith

We have all been there: standing before a stark reality and wishing against all reason that what we know to be true isn’t so. A common trait encouraged in children is to be moderate, thoughtful and temperate with their emotions — to think about whether a big feeling reasonably corresponds to the situation at hand. In this way, “overreactions” are modulated to suit the circumstances.

As adults, this useful skill sometimes wrongly takes precedence over the need to fall apart in times of transition, such as when a person we love dies, altering our outward lives and sense of self. “Lay Me Down” by Sam Smith utters that cry for those of us who cannot allow ourselves to do it alone:

Singer-songwriter Sam Smith
(Credit: twitter.com)

You told me not to cry when you were gone
But the feeling’s overwhelming, it’s much too strong

To be bereaved — literally, “to be torn apart” — is the storm we must weather if a sense of calm and balance is to be restored in our lives. “Lay Me Down” is good medicine to help us be in that storm, held by the warmth of a simple melody and the comfort of knowing that others share our irrational hope to see a loved one who has died once more — to turn back time and relieve the pain of physical separation.

Can I lay by your side, next to you,
And make sure you’re alright
I’ll take care of you
…
I’m reaching out to you
Can you hear my call?
(Who’s to say you won’t hear me?)

Exploring the dimensions of loneliness is a bitter journey to undertake alone. Sam Smith offers us a tool to use at funerals, in conversations, and at gatherings. His words help us speak of this unspeakably painful thing and communicate with each other through our silent sorrow:

And it’s hard, the days just seem so dark
The moon, and the stars, are nothing without you
Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?
No words can explain, the way I’m missing you

Sometimes a song conveys emotion much better than plain speech. This is one of those songs. Keep this one close to your heart and share it with someone who is having a hard time expressing their sadness. When the feeling becomes clear, the mind also becomes clear. May we all find our way with such clarity and grace.