“Living Life Dying Death” by Jennifer Collins Taylor

Death is undergoing a current cultural movement. The Boomers are starting to talk about it and making death that natural part of life it should be. Yet there exists a wide schism between the older generation, who view death as a dark subject not to be discussed, and their children who are blasting the doors open. The Boomers are what we call – opening the conversation on death.

This makes how to talk about death and dying with a parent difficult and uncomfortable for both parties involved no matter how close the relationship. There’s a number of tools now to make it easier to approach (note some of these suggested at the end). A new one is this hand-sized blue book Living, Life, Dying, Death: A Guide to Healthy Conversations about Death and Dying to Inspire Life and Living by Jennifer Collins Taylor. Each page begins with a simple blue title such as “Good-bye,” “Paradox,” “Gratitude” or “Spirituality” along with a single page of text to get you thinking deeply about the topic. It delves into important aspects of living and death at that profound moment when it looms before us in its most intense form. Here’s an excerpt:

“Silence

Breathe and be

present in silence.

Being with someone in

silence takes courage and often says volumes.”

This book has many other applications: When seeking to talk to a family member about his or her advance care directives, when struck by life’s unexpected blows of a terminal illness, when you find yourself at someone’s deathbed or are overwhelmed with grief. It’s easy to be at a loss for words – this book in your palm frames a multitude of life’s aspects to reflect on and directs you to find the words you know in your heart-of-hearts you need to say.

Here’s a few of my favorite pages: “Compassion”— it reminds me to be soft in my perspective with others. Appreciate even the slightest personal quality. The thoughts on compassion spoke directly to me – reminding me to slow down and take a good look around – be in the moment.

Another interesting page is “Euphemisms.” Euphemisms are something we struggle with a lot at SevenPonds as we work towards transitioning people to just say “she died” or “he died.” But this book views a different type of euphemisms — this book Living Life Dying Death suggests we confront cultural sayings, “I’m dying to tell you” or “to die for” as conversation starters. It certainly got me thinking.

Jennifer Collins Taylor, MSW has focused on end of life and hospice work for thirty years resulting in this book as a meaningful tool. It comes in both hard and soft cover. She’s also a certified music practitioner bringing harp music to those dying. I played her instrumental harp CD “Life Beyond Words” while reading her book. I wish she offered the opportunity for me to plug in one of the songs along with this review for you to listen and feel comfort by. It was a soothing experience to read her words while listening to her harp music.

I recommend this book and it’s a great little gift too!

Some other conversation tools are:

• The website The Conversation Project provides an excellent template to get talking death with family members.
• Coda Alliance has a deck of “Go Wish” cards to initiate the conversation.