“A Place In My Heart: When Our Pets Die” by Barbara Karnes

Barbara Karnes is an internationally renowned speaker, author and educator on the dying process and end of life. Her most famous booklet, “Gone From My Sight,” was the first hospice industry resource for patients, families, and healthcare professionals that explained the dying process. It is simple, straightforward, and compassionate. “A Place in My Heart: When Our Pets Die,” takes that same approach and applies it to the death of our pets.

“The death of a beloved pet can set grief in motion that is equal to, if not greater than, our grief for a person. A part of grief is based on how emotionally connected (positive or negative) we are with the person or pet who has died. That is how deep our grief will be.”

Recently, my friend’s canine companion of more than a decade died. Bobby Sue was old, and it had been gradual — months of heart complications, medications and coughing. But then, things worsened, seemingly overnight. He was behaving strangely, and my friend was beside herself. I stayed with him one afternoon while she was at work, and remembered this booklet (I interviewed Barbara a few years ago).  I ordered a copy for her that day. And that night, Bobby Sue died. When the booklet arrived, I debated giving it to her. Unsure if it was “too late.” After reading it, I found it could still provide comfort and clarity.

“A Place In My Heart: When Our Pets Die” primarily focuses on the dying process, demystifying the behaviors that accompany death. Karnes explains that withdrawal, refusing to eat, and sleeping more are all a normal part of the body preparing to die.

“They will also stop drinking water. Not drinking will lead to dehydration. Like in human dying, dehydration is a friend. It is a gentle, natural way to die.”

The goal is that our knowledge of such will help mitigate the fear we bring to the experience. I think the booklet is successful in this goal, even after the fact. After all, it doesn’t just talk about the act of dying itself, Barbara touches on the grief that accompanies it. And in doing so, she normalizes and validates the grief that comes with any loss. Losing a pet is traumatic, and the grief can be intensely deep, following the same patterns as for people.

“It is generally those persons who have not had a close relationship with an animal who find it difficult to empathize and support a person in their grief for their pet. As with other aspects of life, seek the company of people who you can relate to and who “get” you.”

Though it seems “A Place in My Heart: When Our Pets Die” would be most useful if read before the death of a pet, I think it can still provide some level of comfort afterward. If looking for yourself or a loved one, keep in mind, this booklet is just that — a pamphlet-sized educational resource. It’s not an in-depth exploration of grief, trauma, or dying. It’s more of a summary of a simple, universal truth. We live, and we die. And hopefully, along the way, a place in our heart is filled by a beloved pet.