Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki And His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami

In high school, a man named Tsukuru Tazaki was once part of a loving group of five friends; suddenly, he lost them all without explanation.

What follows in Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki And His Years of Pilgrimage is an exploration into the psychological havoc that such an intense and sudden loss can have on a person’s identity. Throughout the novel, the main character considers himself merely a shell of a person. He explains that he and his friends had a precious, almost holy, connection to one another; they created a separate, living, breathing organism when they were in the same room.

Tsukuru Tazaki is left to grieve his friends for more than 16 years, unable to get the closure he needs. Without revealing too much of the book’s ethereal plot, Tazaki is forced to overcome his ostracization, guilt and, eventually, a death. Like many Murakami novels, the book is less driven by plot, and more driven by the internal struggle of his characters.

The sharp pain that the main character feels, and the numbness that overwhelms him later, exactly mirrors real life loss.

Although this book is very much in the Kafkaesque realm of surrealism, it can serve as an important companion piece for anyone who has been ripped apart by sudden loss. The sharp pain that the main character feels, and the numbness that overwhelms him later, exactly mirrors real life loss. Murakami has a way of describing the seemingly indescribable. In Murakami’s hands, Tazaki’s pain becomes not only tangible, but relatable.

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By far the most important aspect of the book comes through Tazaki’s sometimes-flawed sense of self. Murakami establishes Tazaki as a sort of unreliable narrator, but what makes him unreliable is the same thing that nearly everyone struggles with at one point in their lives. It’s the idea that Tazaki has a fatal flaw in his personality, and that no one could possibly love him or want to be with him for long as a result of this undiscovered flaw. The audience never perceives a major flaw in his character, yet Tazaki is convinced of its existence.

When a loved one commits suicide, those left behind often feel that if their personalities had been just a bit more perfect, their loved one would never have wanted to commit suicide.

This is a common feeling to have in general, and it becomes more common among those who have experienced loss, especially from suicide. Guilt is wrapped up in the loss. When a loved one commits suicide, those left behind often feel that if their personalities had been just a bit more perfect, their loved one would never have wanted to commit suicide. Of course, this idea is false, but it is one that plagues the minds of many people overcoming such a loss.

Murakami’s novel teaches us that we will not always get the answers we seek in life. Sometimes, horrifying things happen to us and the people around us, without any observable cause. Rather than wallowing in the mystery, Murakami makes a case for facing that void head-on, accepting its presence and learning to live again. Ironically, a fictional novel can teach us more about accepting the realities of life than some of the most well-meaning self-help books.