“Griefprints” by Radha Stern

Griefprints, by Radha Stern, describes itself as “A Practical Guide for Supporting a Grieving Person.” The author gives advice from a very personal place. She, in her own words, is “no stranger to grief,” having lost her “mother, all four grandparents, two brothers, a sister and dear friends.” This book, though, mainly shares her experience of death and grief after the murder of her 21-year old son, Christopher. Stern injects her segments of advice with anecdotes from her own grief journey after losing Christopher, expressing what she felt after the loss and sharing the things that gave her comfort or helped her heal and deal with death. She says, “I have tried many ways to ‘find comfort.’ Now, so many years later, I consider myself an expert. I am sharing my journey to help friends and family of those who have lost a dear one.”

“This book, though, mainly shares her experience of death and grief after the murder of her 21-year old son, Christopher.”

Stern rightly addresses the truth that many grieving people experience a compounded sense of isolation and hurt after a death, which is often a result of friends who ignore their pain due to their own discomfort or fear. She thinks back to her own experience, saying, “Most people were afraid to mention Christopher for fear of upsetting me. But this was what I really wanted to talk about. Mentioning Christopher’s name, telling stories about him brought him back into the room.” I particularly appreciated this segment of the book. As a young grieving person, I so frequently wondered why my friends talked around my sadness and desperation, wishing that they had the courage or understanding to acknowledge what I needed to discuss. Griefprints counters this common misconception and provides practical ways to move past it.

“No two grief fingerprints are identical.”

Radha Stern
Photo Credit: griefprints.com

Radha Stern also frequently reminds of us of the importance of asking the grieving person what she or he wants or needs. She suggests many simple but very meaningful ways to show love and presence – cooking a meal, visiting, running errands, grocery shopping – but prefaces many of these suggestions by underlining the need to ask. A grieving person’s needs shift often; at times, she or he may be too drained, overwhelmed, or hurting to accept visitors. Other times, a favor from a friend can be very welcome and important.

This book is a quick and easy read and so very worthwhile for anyone wishing to comfort and support a grieving person. Many people, particularly those who have not yet experienced death directly, are uncomfortable, uncertain and even shy about approaching the subject of grief or acknowledging a death. However, tools such as this book provide opportunities to educate oneself and take responsibility for giving love.

Related Links:

• The Practical Guide to the Logistics of Death
• Advice from Radha Stern
• A Conversation with Radha Stern