Healing After Loss, by Martha W. Hickman

As we approach the holidays, it can be both a joyful and a sorrowful time for those who have lost loved ones.  For a season that cherishes time spent with friends and family, it can be also be a harsh reminder of those who are missing.  Martha W. Hickman has endured tremendous loss in her own life after her young daughter died unexpectedly in a riding accident.  She grappled with many of the common phases that accompany grief: feeling entirely absorbed by sorrow, feeling guilt when not consumed by it and thinking happiness is no longer achievable before channeling those struggles into a thoughtful book that can help others.

Much like a day-to-day calendar, Healing After Loss catalogues every day of the year with a tidbit of reassuring advice or a memorable anecdote.  These daily meditations provide for an overall calming experience that can gently guide a person through their grief.  Hickman reminds us that grief is a process, saying, “In case we are feeling driven to somehow ‘get done with’ our grieving (if I do it faster, maybe I will feel better sooner), let us be reminded that, as in many of life’s profoundest experiences, faster is not necessarily better… It will take as much time as it needs.”  Again and again throughout the book, we are reminded to accept our emotions as they come—the good and the bad—which can be much harder than it sounds.

Along with supplying quotes from a wide range of intellectuals, she also provides practical advice that can improve the well-being of someone grieving.  Hickman recommends getting exercise, even simply going for a walk, because “it’s hard to continue to feel depressed when muscles are working vigorously, when we are paying attention to covering ground or swimming through water.”  She also suggests doing something creative, because it can serve as an outlet we might not have otherwise found.  For her, it was as simple as writing down her daily activities and feelings in a journal.

Feelings in a journal

Most importantly, Hickman reassures us that our darkest moments will pass as we grieve the loss of a loved one.  Although everyday activities might seem like a jarring reminder that someone is missing at first, there will come a time when, “perhaps after months, perhaps after years, you feel like a whole person again,” she says, “The hurt is still there, but it has become a part of your inner self.”  And perhaps more than anything, that is her message to anyone going through the grieving process: respect your feelings, stay true to yourself, and find peace in the memory of loved ones passed.

For information on buying the book, visit: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/68470.Healing_After_Loss

For more information on this subject:

• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
• http://www.mlive.com/living/jackson/index.ssf/2011/12/what_to_do_when_a_friend_is_gr.html
• When You Ask What to Do When Someone Dies? – Our San Francisco Bay Area vendor and services network help assist you! (sevenponds.com)