“Hello, Goodbye: 75 Rituals for Times of Loss, Celebration, and Change” by Day Schildkret

Day Schildkret is known for his podcast and website, Morning Altars. He has traveled the world and inspired thousands to connect with nature, art and rituals. Schildkret believes that life is full of important moments: being born, a child leaving for college, getting married, getting divorced, dying, etc. Though we all experience these moments of change, many of us do not mark or set aside these days with enough purpose. In his new book, “Hello, Goodbye: 75 Rituals for Times of Loss, Celebration, and Change,” Schildkret offers readers resources and rituals to honor these transitions.

In the foreword of the book, Elena Brower, host of the Practice You Podcast, asks, “Instead of muscling our way through difficulty or numbing ourselves when things feel fantastic, what might help us pay attention and grant appropriate significance to these thresholds?” Schildkret’s book attempts to answer this question. “Hello, Goodbye” encourages readers not to find meaning, but make it by welcoming the practice of ritual into our lives. Schildkret identifies as a queer Jewish cis man, but he makes it known that he interviewed over 200 people from all walks of life when collecting rituals for this book.

Schildkret begins his guidebook by sharing a painful moment he experienced during the pandemic. His mother had been having serious memory issues for a long time and was living at a memory care facility. They were on the phone, and she forgot his name. Her son’s name. It was a monumental day for Schildkret. It was a day to be marked in his mother’s decline. Schildkret didn’t believe he could return to his “regularly scheduled programming” after experiencing that loss. This moment inspired Schildkret to gift the power of the practice of ritual to the world. He wants to give everyone a way to set aside moments of transition in their lives.

Day Schildkret
Credit: Amazon

Rituals for Every Day

In the first section of the book, Schildkret offers two rituals for the morning. Both read like a recipe, and the author even likens his book to a cookbook in the introduction. The directions are simple and practical. They offer readers a way to transition from sleep into the morning.

The author also provides rituals for sleep to help readers reflect on the day’s work and move toward rest. One of the rituals is meant for parents who are putting their child to bed. By partaking in these nightly patterns, the ritual has the potential to facilitate intimate conversations and bring parents closer to their children.

Day Schildkret at an Earth Altar
Credit: Esalen Institute

Rituals for the Year

Schildkret gives practical instructions for all transitions within the year: the changing of the seasons, birthdays, giving thanks, getting married, making friends, and anniversaries of all sorts–including the death of a loved one. All rituals can be edited to fit the reader’s lifestyle. Some can be done alone, others with friends.

Rituals for Letting Go

Life is full of activities and objects that are meant to be let go. In this section, Shildkret allows these losses to be celebrations. He shares rituals for weaning a child, losing a tooth, watching a child leave home, leaving a job, taking a sabbatical, moving to a new home and retiring. All of these life events have the potential to be traumatic experiences, full of opportunity for fear, hurt feelings or sadness. By approaching the threshold of these moments with intentions and ritual, readers can joyously release their grasp without a sense of dread.

Rituals for New Beginnings 

This section of “Hello, Goodbye” focuses on giving birth, becoming a parent, becoming a sibling, becoming a grandparent, naming a child, taking a new first name, taking a new last name, going through puberty, coming out and moving into a new home. These are truly moments of transformation. These experiences change who we are as human beings, so Schildkret believes we need to mark these changes with special ceremonies. The special practices acknowledge the weight of these experiences.

Day Schildkret
Credit: Morning Altars

Rituals for Loss

This heavy section deals with the beings who leave our lives for various reasons. Schildkret starts with the loss of a friendship, which can certainly feel like a death depending on how close the friendship was. He continues with the death of a pet, another painfully traumatic moment.

“Hello, Goodbye” then tackles miscarriage, which feels like the weightiest moment so far in the book. Schildkret acknowledges this loss is often felt and experienced in secret — all the more reason to memorialize the loss with a ritual. The ceremony can be the start of the healing process. The author also covers those who age childless and how to deal with not being (or no longer being) a parent.

The next ritual is for divorce — a loss many fear and believe they will never recover from. However, by making space for the death of the marriage through ritual, a newly divorced person can mark the end of an era. Schildkret offers two ceremonies for divorcing couples — one to complete with their ex-spouse and one to do alone.

The final loss in this section is on death and dying. Schildkret offers rituals for experiencing the death of a loved one as well as accepting your own impending death. “Hello, Goodbye” gives us ways to deal with grief and pain. It offers insight into what the first few days after a death can look like for mourners and how to move toward acceptance.

Rituals for Crisis 

Finally, “Hello, Goodbye” offers rituals to perform when readers find themselves living through a calamity such as surviving a near-death experience, receiving a critical diagnosis or living through global and national crises. These ceremonies offer a cleansing moment at times when mere survival feels like the only option and offer purposeful choices to keep your body and soul together.

Hello / Goodbye

Day Schildkret ends “Hello Goodbye” by reminding readers that “Every hello is a goodbye and every goodbye, a hello.” We wave our hands when greeting others the same way as when we say farewell. He wants readers to know that anything can be made sacred, from brewing coffee in the morning to pulling a child’s tooth to taking a bath. All of these moments can be made holy by intention and purposeful ritual. “Hello, Goodbye” tells us that we can make beauty and meaning in every moment of our lives.