Our Monthly Tip: How to Honor a Deceased Parent at a Wedding

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Our Tip of the Month

As wedding season ushers in, so does the bittersweet situation many face on the day they marry — the absence of a beloved parent who has died. If your mother is not there to add a loving adjustment to your veil or boutonniere, or your father is unable to dance or toast the event, a meaningful token or gesture can assure that, though gone, these special people in your life are not forgotten.

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How-to Suggestions

Instead of dwelling on their absence, plan ahead to include reminders that will keep your parent in your heart and mind on the big day. Whether you work with a wedding planner or alone, there are a variety of ways to honor a lost loved one at a wedding.

Inconspicuous Reminders

A subtle touch may be all you need to honor the loss. Pre-arrange to incorporate your parent’s favorite music and foods into the day’s celebration. No one else has to know there’s chicory (or dandelion leaves) in the mixed salad because of your parent’s penchant for the spring green. Forego Pachelbel’s popular Canon in D, and march down the aisle to his or her favorite — perhaps, Beethoven’s Ode to Joy.

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Wearing a special piece of Mom’s jewelry or Dad’s cufflinks will keep their memory up close and personal. Consider memorial photo charms or dangly quote charms with a hand-stamped name, date or message attached to bouquets. Some tiny lockets are even designed to link onto high-heeled shoes. You might refashion fabric from a piece of clothing that belonged to the groom’s parent into a pocket square for a suit jacket. Or tie a piece of fabric into the wedding bouquet.

More Visible Displays  

To share a memory of the deceased parent with guests, there are more overt measures that will memorialize your loved one. The popular wedding website, The Knot, offers these suggestions:

• Print a tribute, anecdote, or favorite poem connected with your parent in the wedding program
• Include a moment of silence in the ceremony
• Ask your officiant to mention your parent during the ceremony
• Lay a flower from your bouquet on an empty seat next to your living parent during the ceremony
• Light a candle in memory of your parent at the ceremony
• Place a flower arrangement in your parent’s honor at the altar
• Set up a memory table of photographs at the reception
• Talk about and toast your parent at the reception
• Have the father/daughter  or mother/groom dance be with a grandparent, sibling, or another close relative
• Make a donation to a charity that your parent supported
• Visit the grave after the ceremony and leave your bouquet or boutonniere there

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The effort you take to include the memory of your parent in your wedding day activities can ease regrets and encourage more smiles and wonderful recollections for yourself and your family when the big day finally arrives.