Our Weekly Tip: Acknowledge Your Disenfranchised Grief

All loss hurts
(Credit: susanrusso.com)

Our Tip of the Week: In Western society, we tend to hold to a hierarchy of grief. Certain types of loss are viewed as “important” or grief-worthy, while others are minimized or not acknowledged at all. When a spouse or a close family member dies, for example, friends and family gather around to support those left behind, expressing compassion and empathy for the enormity of the loss. But this kindness and support is rarely forthcoming when you lose someone as “unimportant” as a distant relative, an ex-spouse, or a beloved pet. All too often, in fact, those struggling with disenfranchised grief are made to feel foolish or self-indulgent for mourning such a loss. 

How-to Suggestion: After any significant loss, whether it is the death of a loved one, the end of a long-term relationship, the loss of a job or even the loss of a long-held goal, it is normal to grieve. Friends and family may not understand your reaction and may even try to talk you out of feeling as you do. You need not explain yourself or even share your feelings if you don’t want to, but it is important to acknowledge your grief and validate it for yourself. You do not need anyone’s permission to mourn.

Losing a beloved pet is often a very painful loss
(Credit: vetbehaviorsolutions.com)

Disenfranchised grief can leave you feeling terribly isolated, and grief that is not shared is usually much harder to bear. It’s important to find an outlet, whether it’s a support group or a therapist who specializes in working with those who are living with disenfranchised grief. Other ways to honor your feelings include writing in a journal or creating a special piece of art to memorialize the relationship that you lost.