Our Weekly Tip: Make a Last Letter to Your Loved Ones

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Our Tip of the Week: Writing a will can feel impersonal and even mechanical. After you’ve assigned beneficiaries to your estate and given your doctor end-of-life instructions, you can still feel as though you have more to say. The loose ends of your emotional life might be left unresolved, which can cause stress at the end of life. Stanford’s “Dear Friends and Family” letter project could make you feel more at peace.

How-to Suggestion: Once your will and medical wishes are ready, prepare a final letter, and break it up into seven sections.

• Section One: Talk about the important people in your life, and say how proud you are of their accomplishments.
• Section Two: Recall your favorite memories, especially those involving your loved ones; this letter is, after all, for them.
• Section Three: Apologize to anyone you have hurt. Even if the problem seems small and unimportant, getting it out on paper is essential.
• Section Four: Forgive anyone who has hurt you.
• Section Five: Talk about how grateful you are for your loved one’s support.
• Section Six: Tell each of the important people in your life how much you love them — it helps to hear this, even if you think it’s obvious.
• Section Seven: Say goodbye. We often have trouble with goodbyes in our society, so taking a moment to explicitly say it will help give you closure.

Using these steps, you not only ease your own worries at the end of life, but you ensure that your loved ones know exactly how much they mean to you, and ensure that they they will be emotionally supported after you are gone.

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