What is a Celebrant? An Interview with Irene Kane

Irene Kane

“Celebrants” are nondenominational professionals who help meet the ceremonial and spiritual needs of families, most commonly called upon for weddings and memorials.  As a highly respected celebrant, Irene Kane creates personalized and memorable ceremonies throughout California.

Below, Irene shares her memorial expertise with SevenPonds…

Aurora: On your website, you say that you began marking “important passages in people’s lives” as a photographer, before becoming a celebrant.  When and why did you begin offering memorial and life celebration services, specifically?

Irene:  It grew out of my work as a wedding officiant — a couple I had married contacted me when there was a death in their family, asking if I would lead a memorial for them.  I was accustomed to creating ceremonies, and I’ve always had a spiritual practice, so it was a fluid transition for me.

Aurora: Which types of rituals and cultural practices do you draw from?

Irene:  It’s very broad — the main focus is to honor the family members, the survivors.   People in the community I serve generally don’t belong to a parish or church community, so they usually want something spiritual, without a specific religious focus.  I do what’s important to them, and it organically reflects their cultural background.

When I did a ceremony for a Japanese American, there was an opportunity for those attending to come forward and light a stick of incense as a gesture of appreciation for who this man had been in their lives.  In other cases, I’ve incorporated some religious practices, such as prayers, depending on the wishes of the family.  I’m really very open to what is soothing to the living and honoring to the deceased.

Aurora: What is your favorite part about being a celebrant?

Irene:  Oh, I think it’s just an honor to be with people at important moments in their lives.  As a celebrant, I do weddings, baby welcomings, blessings, and of course memorials.  I find it touching to be involved with the emotion of these events.  And I also bring a lot of calm and focus, because those things can be lost when so much emotion is involved.

Aurora: Can you tell us about one or two of the most touching or unique memorial services or life celebrations you have been involved with?

Irene: I would say one of the most touching was for a man who died very suddenly.  He had made a cheesecake for a work event the night before, and all the finishing touches were lined up in the refrigerator.  He died in his sleep.  It was such a shock to his family.  His parents were still alive, and it was very touching to find ways to honor them.  The man and his wife weren’t religious, but his parents were — and of course his wife wanted to honor the whole family.  So together, we came up with a way to do that.  We incorporated the prayers his parents selected, which spoke perfectly to their son’s giving nature.  I heard such wonderful tributes to this man, from everyone in his life.  It ended up being very rich.

Aurora: Did you eat the cake?

Irene:  I believe the cake was delivered to the people he made it for.  His coworkers attended the service, and talked about how much they appreciated his contributions.  He loved to bake.

Aurora: Do you have any advice for SevenPonds readers, who may currently be planning a memorial or life celebration?

Irene:  I know of people who were able to put it together themselves, but it’s such an emotional time that I think it’s important to be able to call upon someone for support; someone to help you organize, and take some of the details off your shoulders — because you have so much to tend to already.

In terms of the service, I believe one of the most important things is for the living to have a chance to give voice to their memory, grief, loss, and love.  So I usually have people spend time talking about who the deceased was to them.  And I usually gather some biographical information and anecdotes to incorporate into the service.

And remember — while there is grief and loss, the idea is really to affirm and celebrate the life of someone who was loved.

Aurora: Thanks so much for sharing, Irene!