How Does Creativity and the Concept of Active Grief Help Bereaved Parents?

In this second part of a two-part interview, I speak with Jane Harris. She and her husband, Jimmy Edmonds, lost their 22 year-old-son, Josh when he died in a road accident in Vietnam in 2011. In the wake of his death, they created the charity, The Good Grief Project, which they use to make films, put on retreats, and give live presentations that share their experience, open up the conversation, and help other bereaved parents and siblings find an active and creative response to the expression of their grief. They live in the UK where Jane works as a therapist and Jimmy as a filmmaker, and they recently released their newest film, A Love That Never Dies (which we will be reviewing on February 22nd).

Editor’s note: This interview has been edited for length and readability.

Filmmakers Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds
Credit: James Krysck

Colleen Ferguson: I’d love to learn more about the Active Grief retreats that you put on in the UK.

Jane Harris: We do three a year at the moment, and we like to keep them fairly small because it’s in the interest of our participants to keep it intimate. The idea behind the Active Grief weekends is that actively and creatively expressing your grief is a very positive way of approaching it. So we incorporate photography, creative writing, mindfulness, boxing, and other physical activity as a cathartic way of dealing with grief.  

And the peer to peer support is very important as well. The people that come on our retreats are feeling desperate, hopeless, and lost, and they’re often surprised and terrified. And that’s the nature of grief isn’t it, you think, “can I do this?” Sometimes they say, “I’ll only stay for 5 minutes,” and then they end up staying and participating.

And by the end, many feel so liberated. One woman talked about an empty place she had that was full of guilt, and by the end, she told me that she had left the guilt go — the empty place was still there — but she was ready to fill it with something other than guilt. And she felt that through meeting other parents she gave herself permission to let go of the guilt — because there is often guilt when your child dies. There’s a sense of failure because it’s our job to protect our children.

Colleen: Can you tell me more about the creative aspects of Active Grief and the concept of continuing bonds?

Photography, film, and creative writing are just some of the ways people can address their grief in a way that feels active. In particular, our photography and writing workshops are part of the notion of “continuing bonds,” which is a concept that the bereaved carry the relationship they have with their child forever because the child is always in their heart. So we use creativity to help bereaved parents continue that bond and continue the relationship with the child who is no longer there.

It’s really about internalizing and digesting, and finding a place for the relationship with your child to land — finding a more comfortable place to be with your grief.

Jane Harris leads a photography session during an Active Grief weekend
Credit: Beyond Goodbye Media Ltd

Colleen: Are all the activities you offer in the Active Grief retreats things that you personally found helpful in processing your own grief?

Jane: Mindfulness, photography, film… yes, they’re all things that we’ve been interested in for a very long time, but applying them differently now. We’ve found through our experiences that it’s helpful to do what you’ve always done — you have to carry on doing what you do after your child has died.

And, for Jimmy, photography has always been his modus of communication and it’s absolutely been amazingly helpful for him. And he also does cold water swimming — when his mood is low, he goes ice swimming and it’s his private place with Josh where he feels free to think and he comes out and feels lifted.

Our other son, Joe, is a personal trainer and is also involved in our Active Grief weekends with the more physical aspects. People tend to love boxing — especially the women. At first, they’re timid, and then 10 minutes in, they’re going for it and they love it.  

Boxing and fitness session during an Active Grief weekend
Credit: Beyond Goodbye Media Ltd

There’s creative writing as well, which is led by a theater director, who is also a bereaved parent. People tend to approach that workshop with the same terror as the photography workshop.

Colleen: Because they fear they’re not creative?

Jane: Or they feel they’re too blocked. But ten minutes in, you won’t believe what they produce, and we put their stories and stunning photographs on our website, with permission, of course. At the beginning, people say, “I can’t do this,” but by the end, they’ve created something new from that photograph, and it gives them hope.  

And that’s what we hope our films can provide, hope and help for others — it certainly helps us.  

Creative Writing Session during an Active Grief Weekend
Credit: Beyond Goodbye Media Ltd

Colleen: Speaking of your films, you’ve recently released “A Love That Never Dies,” which I’m excited to write more about in the future…are there any other films the works?

After our road trip across America where we filmed “A Love That Never Dies,” we went onto film in Mexico for the Day of the Dead, and that was a really wonderful and amazing experience that we’ve made into another film that we’re going to release later this year, called “Lessons in Grief From Mexico.”

Colleen: Wonderful, I look forward to seeing it when it’s released. And thank you so much for chatting with me, Jane. I’m sure our readers will find your story and insight incredibly helpful.

Jane: You’re welcome, it has been my pleasure.

If you missed part one of our interview with Jane Harris, please catch up here. And click on the titles that follow to learn more about The Good Grief Project, their Active Grief Retreats (the UK only for now), and their most recent film, A Love That Never Dies.