What is a Balloon Release? An Interview with Reverend Lucinda Martin

Today SevenPonds speaks with Reverend Lucinda Martin, founder of the Association of Interfaith Ministers, Vows and Kisses and Graceful Mournings. Based in Northern California, Reverend Lucinda Martin became an Ordained Interfaith Minister through One Spirit Seminary in New York, New York. As a “non-religious” spiritual minister, she embraces all spiritual traditions and symbolic rituals and specializes in ceremony rituals in her work as a professional celebrant. Lucinda discusses what inspired her to become a celebrant, her experience officiating a balloon release and how meaningfully planned ceremonies can help in the grief and healing processes of the loved ones.

Credit: Reverend Lucinda Martin

Zoë: What is Graceful Mournings? What are some of the services you provide?

Lucinda: Graceful Mournings is an association of professional interfaith and multi-faith celebrants providing celebrant services for funerals and memorials and we offer grief counseling. When families desire a “Celebration of Life Service,” we specialize in offering support in creating meaningful symbolic altars and special rituals bringing memorable expressions of love and gratitude of family and friends.  We really believe creating these meaningful altars and special rituals help in the grieving process. We believe inclusive ceremonies help to bring grace into the healing process. Since we are educated in diversity, global religions, indigenous spiritual traditions, we bring a personal touch in supporting people of all backgrounds, faith traditions inclusive of agnostic and atheist.

Zoë: What inspired you to become a celebrant and what is your personal approach?

Lucinda: As a spiritual practitioner and counselor for many years, I found the need for families “unchurched” to have access to professional celebrants devoted to helping clients navigate loss and grief. From the wedding industry, noticing the impact and importance of rituals, I created Graceful Mournings to help people navigate loss and grief. I learned from experience how meaningful symbolic rituals and creating altars can be in helping families and friends process their grief.

Balloon Release
(Credit: humanist.org.uk)

Zoë: Could you explain to us what a balloon release entails? What was the experience like for you as a celebrant?

Lucinda: Just to be clear, I’ve only done it once for a corporation. When I was asked to do it, I was extremely concerned about how safe this would be for the environment. I did some research and studies have shown that, as long as biodegradable materials are used, birds are not hurt. However, even after my experience with this one balloon release, I’m still not convinced that it’s a good thing.

Balloons with messages for loved ones
(Credit: Pinterest.com)

At a balloon release, you are having family and friends write messages, draw pictures or share photos on small biodegradable paper to loved ones. The balloons need to be tied with biodegradable strings. It is very important that the release be done in a responsible way.

When I participated in a balloon release as a celebrant, I recited a blessing and then the balloons were released. I was amazed at how you could feel the shift and this incredible and energetic release of energy and tension. The family and friends were able to say what they hadn’t been able to through their messages, drawings and pictures on those balloons. It was beautiful to see. The balloon release ceremony demonstrated an emphasis on celebration and breaking bread, or sharing a meal, together.

Zoë: How do end-of-life ceremonies like balloon releases aid in the grief and healing processes for the loved ones of the person who has died?

Lucinda: It is an opportunity for loved ones to check in on unfinished business. With a sudden loss, loved ones are sometimes not able to say everything they wanted to tell the person they have lost. It is an opportunity to reflect and write and speak about the loved one they have lost. There is a sense of completion in having a chance to come to peace. A ceremony that is well written and delivered provides a sacred and safe space for people to process and reflect on something that can be so confusing like grief. There’s usually a lot of confusion when it comes to death and grief. There is no right or wrong way in the grieving process. We at Graceful Mournings provide support for end-of-life and all of life’s transitions: divorce, loss of a pet, job loss and health issues. Having someone to guide you is essential to help in the process and to accept the things that are difficult.

Zoë: What is your process when it comes to working with grieving loved ones to plan a meaningful event to honor the life of the person who has died?

Lucinda: Number one is to be an excellent listener. It is important to know what questions to ask as well as how and when to give suggestions for creating meaningful ceremonies, rituals and altars. It is very important to make sure the minister is someone who is really committed and devoted to the needs of the family. That is what makes the difference from a mail order minister.

Zoë: What are the advantages of working with a celebrant to plan memorial services? What is the average cost for utilizing the help of a celebrant?

Lucinda: The advantages of working with celebrants would be the experience they have and their abilities to provide appropriate suggestions based on that experience and being able to communicate with the family. A celebrant has the ability to help them plan what can be a daunting task. As for costs, it is important to discuss fees with the officiant. As Interfaith/Interspiritual Ministers providing support for families that have no affiliation with a church or minister, it is important to understand that we are not receiving any salaries as clergy of a religious organization. Over 40 percent of our population has no affiliation with a religious organization and many express they are “spiritual but not religious” and quite a few are agnostic or atheist.

They desire a meaningful ceremony and rituals and need to know how to find independent ministers that are devoted to their education and service. We need to provide education and advertising, so people know we are here for them. It is for this reason we need to charge in addition to the many hours we devote in meeting with families, creating the ceremony, transportation and grief support.  When interviewing officiants, keep in mind, the old rule of “you get what you pay for” does apply, and this is such an important life transition it seems to me not an area to cut costs in.

Lucinda’s 4 Tips for Planning a Memorial Service

1) Find a professional Celebrant or Minister that is a good listener and includes grief support in addition to creating a service.

2) Make sure the celebrant is providing a detailed agreement outlining the expectations and fees.

3) I personally believe creating a meaningful altar supports the grief process – the family can create this and hopefully the celebrant will assist with this, guide them and on some occasions create it for the family.

4) Ensure the officiant provides an outline for the celebration of life ceremony, so it is clear whom will provide the eulogy, minister’s address if including one, poetry/readings, and is sensitive to knowing how to help guests speak up and share their stories. Often folks are very shy to do so and in their hearts they want to. A skilled celebrant will know how to gently draw people out.

Zoë: What are some types of challenges that you have encountered as a celebrant, whether during the planning process or the ceremony itself?

Lucinda: I had one family that did not want to include any type of ritual. Even though I knew it would benefit them due to their loved one’s sudden passing, I don’t think it’s appropriate to push my agenda. Therefore, I surrendered to prayer, meditation and synchronicity for them to realize how helpful ritual would be. I did not know — it was a result of surrendering to prayer — that the fellowship that the late loved one was a member of was going to include their ritual as a surprise to the family. To my surprise, upon my arrival, I was notified by the Club President they were surprising the family with a tradition or ritual. The family loved the ritual, which was that members of the fellowship gifted evergreen leaves to the immediate family for them to bring up to the altar.

Sometimes, the family is not in agreement of the details and delivery of how the ceremony should go. If you’re skilled in facilitating conflict resolution, then you’re able to make the process go smoother. It’s kind of like a wedding where the rule is: couples plan the wedding, and it doesn’t matter what others want. In end-of-life ceremonies, you have to determine who the decision maker is, and you have to make sure everyone agrees on who that is.

Credit: gracefulmournings.com

Zoë: Do you have any words of wisdom for those planning memorial services?

Lucinda: Don’t plan the memorial or celebration of life ceremony too soon. Allow yourself time to process your loss and give loved ones far away the ability to make plans to travel to the ceremony. Some people rush it too quickly. Don’t feel like you have to rush. I don’t know why there’s so much pressure to rush it. I would suggest that they plan it to be at least three weeks out. The ceremony and its planning can be a joyful and helpful process in aiding the grieving process.

Zoë: Thank you for speaking with us!

Lucinda: Thank you.

A Note From Our Founder of SevenPonds’: We’ve received comments from some of our readers, expressing their concern that balloon releases are harmful to the environment and wildlife animals. Our subsequent research shows that it’s true, even biodegradable balloons can still take anywhere from six months to four years to fully decompose. While balloon releases have been a most lovely practice of the past, SevenPonds would like to suggest new updated ways of offering a release at a memorial service. Releasing balloons can still take place in a contained space such as a barn, home or commercial atrium where they cannot float away. We also recommend some lovely eco-friendly alternatives to balloon releases such as releasing of flower petals or paper boats, to name a few. Please check out our “Practical Tips” column where we may offer other beautiful and meaningful ideas for ceremonial releases. Thanks for joining in to help make the world a better place. –Suzette