Tending a Garden May Help Lessen Grief

“That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.” 
William Wordsworth

Tending a garden – planting, tilling, digging, weeding, watering, and growing plants, flowers, or food – could beget us better health and wellness. Whether doing so in your own backyard, a shared community space, or otherwise, there is mounting evidence that caretaking greenery is good for you. Gardening may also prove to be a beneficial way to process our grief.

Avid gardeners know the therapeutic value of their hobby firsthand. A comprehensive compilation of research by the National Institutes in Health confirms that a regular dose of gardening reduces stress, improves physical health and bolsters our mood. In fact, gardening was shown to positively alter electrical activity in the brain. So it stands to reason that tending a garden could positively impact those who are grieving a loss.

Digging into the benefits of gardening can help to ease the feelings of grief and sadness.

Jami Nakamura Lin started to dig in the yard a year after losing her father to cancer. Neither she nor her dad were gardeners. But Lin said that starting a garden helped her to grieve. She told Good Housekeeping, “After my father’s death, I felt lost. Connecting with the earth showed me how much life is all around us.” Much like cultivating the land, Lin said that grief, too, comes in seasons.

Yiyun Li recently shared with the New Yorker how gardening became a way to honor her deceased son’s spirit. Li had moved into a new home a few weeks prior to the death of her son Vincent, a passionate gardener anxious to tutor her about the sprawling landscape. She eventually learned how to tend the soil through trial and error. Li said that gardening aided her in mourning. “A garden is a place full of random, diverting, and irrelevant happenings, and a garden, as good as a rabbit hole, serves also as an antidote to a black hole,” she said.

Reviving a garden that once belonged to a loved one may also soothe a grieving soul. Although she formerly had little interest in doing so, Amy Oliver of the United Kingdom now cares for her late mother’s grounds. Oliver told the Telegraph that her mom lives on through the toiling, and she often leaves fresh cut blooms on her grave.

Widower Mike Kleidermacher and friend Dana Watson celebrate the renewed life given to his wife Lynda’s former garden in Margate, NJ.

My good friend Mike Kleidermacher is a widower from New Jersey. I helped him to rescue his late wife Lynda’s overgrown garden in the spring that followed her death in 2021. It had been neglected for a few years prior to then due to her dementia diagnosis. But Kleidermacher was determined to find a way to bring its beauty back to life somehow.

Since Kleidermacher could not do much of the physical work himself, he employed the help of family members and friends. Clearing bramble, sowing seeds and planting flowers in her favorite colors brought the once beloved garden back to life. Kleidermacher said, “While I miss my wife dearly, the garden makes me feel whole. My heart was no longer broken, and I feel as if we are one again.”

You don’t need your own land to tend a garden in remembrance of a loved one. You can locate a community garden in your area and rent a plot. The benefits of doing so may bring even bigger value to your life. A study funded by the American Cancer Society found that those who participated in community gardens significantly reduced their anxiety, while also decreasing their risk of cancer and chronic diseases.

May toiling the time away, planting seeds of hope and harvesting the bounty help your heart to heal and your garden to grow.