Why Am I Writing About The Film “High Fidelity” On A Blog About End Of Life?

Credit: 5plitreel.wordpress.com

Today I had a High Fidelity kind of day. The truth is I’ve had a few too many such days this past year. Sadly, I’ve been dealing with disenfranchised grief a lot. It’s not good.

For those of you who have not seen this brilliant film, it’s a must. High Fidelity was ranked by Rotten Tomatoes as #14 of the top romantic comedies. Simply put, it’s the scoop on how men relate to their relationships with women as they mature through life. As my friend Julie’s father actually commented to her, “No woman should see this film.” Yup, it’s hard to swallow, especially in light of the fact that it was written, directed and mainly starred by men. It’s the hard truth.

The gist is that the 30 something main character, Rob (played by John Cusack), breaks up with his girlfriend and decides to revisit his top 5 past relationships to see what went wrong since he finally realizes they keep failing. Rob’s angry about how she’s treated him – in fact, he’s mad about how all of them have treated him. As we watch each of these past relationships play out (starting when he was a young boy), by the 5th an epiphany hits him – that he’s actually the fickle one, that he’s unable to commit, unable to fully love and well, ta-da! – he finally grows up.

Lately I’ve been that woman on the other end of a man’s failed relationship string. It’s difficult to be that fish getting jerked in and out of the water. Worse yet, technology intervened and let’s just say it involves Google’s Chrome accidentally downloading his email trail on my computer (what were the computer geeks thinking about on this one?) and well, OMG, the details are sordid.

While men like Rob exist in a clueless muddle, a girl’s heart (like mine) is broken. This common narrative results in what few people know as “disenfranchised grief”, or a grief not currently acknowledged by society. Yes, society has a grief hierarchy, yet there are all kind of losses in life: loss of a job, divorce, children leaving the home – and who is to say which loss is more painful? In fact, Rob explores his own kind of disenfranchised grief in the film.

The film has a secondary theme in which Rob’s snarky 30 something pals are constantly rattling off Top 5 Song Lists of all kinds. I will leave you with their top 5 songs about death. Life is so complicated – sorry, I need to go heal now.

1 – “Leader Of the Pack“, The Shangri-Las

2 – “Deadman’s Curve“, Jan and Dean

3 – “Tell Laura I love Her“, Ray Peterson

4 – “The Wreak of the Edmund Fitzgerald”, Gordon Lightfoot

5 – “You Can’t Always get What You Want” – ah yes, indeed I can’t…

I’d love to hear your thoughts too!