A Show of Mourning Dresses From the Past

When I came across a past installation at The Metropolitan Museum, entitled “Death Becomes Her,” I was astounded by the elaborate dresses – gowns practically! – that mourning widows (from 1815 to 1915) would wear following the death of their beloveds. These dresses — almost always black — were really quite stunning. They were adorned with ruffles, bows and tiers (depending on the era), and the woman in mourning would likely have worn a shawl, a hat, a veil — any number of black (or very darkly colored) accessories.

Dresses from “Death Becomes Her”
(Credit: http://www.metmuseum.org)

What’s more, the widow would wear her mourning clothes for two years following her husband’s death. During year one, she would be mostly covered and her dresses would be made of a heavier, more plain fabric. By year two of mourning, slightly shinier fabric was allowed. Then there would be a six-month period of half-mourning, where the widow could wear the tiniest bits of white fabric.

Credit: hyperallergic.com

Looking at these elaborate mourning dresses made me consider the way we dress to mourn in the modern day. Obviously, long gone are the days when women were expected to don black dresses for years following the death of their loved ones. These days, it’s still standard to wear black to a funeral, but it’s not required or even necessary (there are even themed funerals where people dress up as all number of things). There is still a expectation of demureness at most funerals though, and generally people dress in a classic silhouette or non-flashy attire to attend. But as far as mourning attire goes, there really are no rules or expectations any more. People wear whatever makes them comfortable. Some people stay in their pajamas for a week. Others get dressed up like normal to retain a sense of sameness. A lot of people probably don’t even think about mourning attire these days — we simply wear whatever we need/want to — whatever will help us through our grieving. Perhaps a shirt passed down to us by our loved one; maybe our favorite pair of jeans, or a dress that makes us feel good.

And that’s probably as it should be. As beautiful as those old mourning gowns are, grief cannot be quantified or understood simply by attire. It’s far more important we mourn in our own ways, whatever they may be and whatever we may wear.