How Hollywood Gets Death Wrong

A typical scene depicting grief in movies or shows.

Film and television have long had a compelling impact on shaping societal norms and values. There are some good reasons why it’s been utilized as an effective form of propaganda by political regimes in years past, and why it’s often targeted by social movements as one of the first steps to meaningful change. As such, we cannot overlook how this form of artistic expression molds our views on life and, just as importantly, the end of life. 

How Hollywood Gets Death Wrong

Sudden death has become such a customary trope in TV and movies that we’re almost desensitized to it. Traumatic moments are used almost flippantly as plot devices, like when a character dies an untimely death as the motivation for our hero to seek vengeance, or a tragic act leads to someone flatlining, only to be saved miraculously by defibrillator paddles in the ER. The problem with this (other than lazy writing) is that movies and TV shows are failing to present a realistic portrayal of how the vast majority of society experiences death and dying. By misrepresenting what grief and mourning might really look like, we are neglecting an important tool that could be used to help millions of people cope with their own journey through difficult times.

Recently, NPR published an article about their interview with Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider, an internal medicine doctor and founder of End Well, a nonprofit focused on shifting the American conversation around death. In it, they discuss how these Hollywood tropes are causing real harm by ignoring the reality of such a complex and often confusing time: “They create unrealistic expectations that incurable diseases can be cured, false hope that our dying grandmothers won’t die. And that has people begging for aggressive, painful treatments that will never work, when they should be focusing on saying goodbye.” 

Initiating Change

Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider (right) interviews comedian Tig Notaro during the 2023 End Well conference.
Credit: Britney Landreth for EndWell via NPR

With the goal of embedding themselves within Hollywood – to encourage writers and producers to create more nuanced storylines – End Well held its latest conference in Los Angeles in November. They invited several well-known speakers like comedian Tig Notaro and actress Yvette Nicole Brown to share their own experiences with illness, death, and experiencing loss. (You can watch a livestream replay here.)In a relatable quote, Brown expressed how clueless she was about the ineffective things we say to people who are recently bereaved: “When my mom passed, I called all my friends whose mom had passed before and apologized, because until this moment I had no idea. And my ‘It’s going to be better tomorrow’ and ‘She’s in a better place’ – that helps not at all. And I now know that.”

Brown’s story is not unique; many people are stunned when their first experience with grief is through suffering a loss themselves. End Well’s goal is to portray things like expressing or receiving condolences more commonly so that it becomes part of our social repertoire. By regularly depicting this part of our lives, Americans will hopefully become more comfortable navigating these waters.

Shows That Get it Right

The NPR article concludes by saying that Ungerleider made a point of mentioning a few TV shows that seem to be getting the message. “This Is Us“ on NBC did a beautiful job of depicting the show’s matriarch (played by Mandy Moore) dying of Alzheimer’s, and the family’s discussions around advance planning and caretaking. Netflix’s show “From Scratch” accurately depicted at-home hospice care, and Ricky Gervais’s award-winning “After Life“ did an amazing job of proving that grief can come in many forms. More recently, NBC’s “Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” is working to prove that shows about death don’t have to be dark and gloomy.

It’s true that up until the last few years, Hollywood’s efforts to accurately depict death and grief in their infinite forms has been an unfortunate sin of omission, but thankfully it seems like they’re starting to head in the right direction. Yes, Hollywood gets death wrong, but they’re finally starting to see the light.