New Year’s Resolutions for People Who are Grieving

Credit: Victoria Emerson

Many people ring in the new year with friends, family, and loved ones while crafting New Year’s resolutions to outline their goals, hopes and dreams. For those who are grieving this season, a more compassionate alternative might be to set some intentions around that grief –- allowing it to be present, accepted and validated.

Grief can take many forms: The death of a beloved friend or family member. The loss of a job or a relationship. The death of a pet. The absence of children who’ve grown up and left home. Ecological grief around the changes facing our planet. And many forms of grief are disenfranchised, meaning that they are not socially acknowledged or supported. As a result, it can fall on individuals to create a safe space for that grief to be honored and processed.

Resolutions When Grief Looms Large on New Year’s Eve

Heather Stang, founder of the Mindfulness and Grief Institute, says that her website is busier on New Year’s Eve than at any other time of year. Stang suggests creating one’s own mantra to replace “Happy New Year,” such as “May I have a Compassionate New Year,” or even just, “This is hard and I am doing my best.”

Setting a ritual space to write your New Year’s resolutions will add meaning.
Credit: Anete Lusina

In a similar vein, Hospice Red River Valley in North Dakota has suggested some New Year’s resolutions around grief, which might include the following:

 •  I resolve to not place time limits on my grief; it will take as long as it takes
 •  I resolve to not be pressured by “shoulds.”
 •  I resolve to cut myself some slack when I am not as productive as I might like; behave in ways uncharacteristic of my usual self or simply “don’t care.”
•  I resolve to accept that others may not understand my pain and that it is
probably not realistic to expect that of them.
•  I resolve to express my feelings without guilt, and not apologize for tears.
•  I resolve to recognize that my acceptance of assistance and support from others allows them the blessing of giving.

Before writing your New Year’s resolutions, it may be helpful to set a ritual space. This can include cozy comforts such as a favorite chair, a soft blanket or a hot cup of tea. You may also want to include candles, photographs of your loved one and other memorial items. Taking the time and intention to make the occasion meaningful will allow for a sense of comfort and safety, and even imbue it with a sense of the sacred.

Afterward, it may be helpful to post your New Year’s resolutions somewhere so that they can serve as a reminder to care for yourself and your grief. Alternatively, you may want to ceremoniously burn them in a fireplace or somewhere safe outdoors, releasing them to the universe.