Grieving Through Time and Terminal Illness

Credit: Nydailynews.com

Years after photographer Ben Nunery’s wife passed away from a terminal illness, he decided it was time channel his grieving into a more creative outlet.

Before his wife was diagnosed with a terminal illness, Ali and Ben were on the rosy path of most newlyweds. A house was purchased. A family was on the radar. The wedding pictures Ben’s sister-in law took of the two in their yet-to-be-furnished home encapsulate the period perfectly, showing the two in a cheeky gaze across corridors, or holding hands in front of the expanse of their new bay windows. In these captured moments, we have the impression of a couple with nothing but time and possibility on their hands.

Credit: Nydailynew.com

“Before his wife was diagnosed with a terminal illness, Ali and Ben were on the rosy path of most newlyweds.”

Yet, shortly after their marriage Ali was diagnosed with lung cancer – and in no time at all, her illness progressed to the point that it was clear she had little time left with Ben and their baby girl, Olivia. “It was a roller coaster of emotions,” says Ben about the time after her passing in 2011. Not only was he grieving, but he was trying to raise his daughter as a single parent enveloped in melancholy.

But in November 2013, Ben made a decision: it was time to move out of the house he had made a home with Ali. It was time to let go.

The movers came, the house was emptied. It was a bittersweet moment, but one that needed to happen to liberate him from the pain of living amongst memories of an old, unattainable life. How else could he move his grieving forward? As he looked around their home, he remembered the last time he’d seen it just as empty, thinking back to the afternoon he frolicked around in wedding garb with Ali.

“…he looked around their home [and] remembered the last time he’d seen it just as empty…the afternoon he frolicked around in wedding garb with Ali.”

Credit: Nydailynews.com

The memories gave him an idea: why not recreate those moments with their daughter Olivia? Why not say goodbye to the house by bookending their time there with another set of pictures? The rooms were empty, almost as if they were waiting.

Ben’s sister-in law came by the house once again to play the role of photographer. But this time, Olivia would have to step into her mother’s shoes so that frame by frame, the troupe could recreate Ben and Ali’s wedding shots.

“I hope that people can see [the photographs] as evidence of a love that Ali and I shared that is still very deep, [and] that love carries on, and it doesn’t die.”
–Ben Nunery

Credit: Nydailynew.com

Grieving the death of a family member is an uncharted and surreal process – especially if the death is unexpected. When juxtaposed with the original pictures of Ali and himself, Ben’s new pictures take on a curious role for many viewers. The photos have a firm hold on the past – and many commentators have said they could never have recreated moments in the way Ben did. It would have been too overwhelming, too unreal.

But Ben isn’t trying to recreate the past with these pictures. He’s chosen to bravely look it in the face; to add to his wife’s and his life together by breathing joy into photos that would have otherwise become dormant memories.

What do you think of Ben’s project as a tool for the grieving process? We look forward to your comments below.

Related:

• Read Today’s coverage of Ben’s grieving journey here.
• The Power of Grief: Why a Belgian widow slept beside her husband for a year after his passing.
• Surviving the Death of a Spouse: Michael’s story, as told by SevenPonds.