Fearing the Return of the Dead in Romani Burial Traditions
Credit: tumblr.com
Romani funeral traditions are characterized by abundance. Enormous, full of relatives, public mourning and solemn ritual, their burial rites amount to a massive procession taken very seriously by everyone involved. Their zeal may arise from a widespread belief in the supernatural. For the Romani people, spirits everywhere must be warded off by spells and charms, and people can come back from the dead to wreak revenge on the living. Thus, when someone is dying, his or her family – all who knew the person and fear for their own lives – come to stay by his or her side, ask for forgiveness, settle any strife, and leave a last good impression lest he or she return as a muló, or a type of undead, to settle last debts.
Until the funeral, family members are not supposed to bathe, shave, comb, eat or drink anything besides coffee, brandy and other liquors. Nor, above all, are they supposed to touch the body.
When the person dies, mourning becomes all-consuming. Until the funeral, family members are not supposed to bathe, shave, comb their hair, eat or drink anything besides coffee, brandy and other liquors. Nor, above all, are they supposed to touch the body. Doing so might risk marimé, or contamination, and the less connection one has with the supernatural, the better. It seems life for everyone seems put on hold until those who died can be buried.
What must it be like to witness such a display of emotion, where everyone honors the dead by wailing with their fellow survivors? It’s as if the more tears they shed, the more they belong.
Modern Romani funeral
(credit: cambridge-news.co.uk)
On to the funeral, then. A small band might lead the procession. Mourners wear white for purity, or red for vitality, and weep. Once they enter the graveyard, the lamentation increases, reaching its peak when the coffin is lowered in the grave. What must it be like to witness such a display of emotion, where everyone honors the dead by wailing with their fellow survivors? It’s as if the more tears they shed, the more they belong.
After the funeral, all of the loved one’s possessions – and here’s the real head-turner – are burned. (So much for heirlooms). Once again, the primary concern is marimé, and family members want to destroy all material ties to the dead. Given the massive cost of such destruction, however, today many people sell the possessions – though not to other Romanis of course.
It’s a relationship as dynamic as gypsies themselves, and it keeps us on our toes…
In summary, the Romani people bear a unique relationship with death. At once resentful and reverent, they wish death away from themselves as much as possible – even to the point of burning precious belongings the rest of us would cherish – while realizing its power through their massive demonstrations of mourning. It’s a relationship as dynamic as the people themselves, and it keeps us on our toes – as it does to these mysterious, nomadic tribes, for whom the dead are always a threat. It may not be a pleasant idea of the end of life, but it’s a lively one, and at least it gives way to their grand memorials that would make the dead proud.
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Hi just so you know, the word/name, “Gypsy” is extremely harmful. If you are of the Romani lineage, you are allowed to use that word. Yet anyone outside of Romani family aka a “gadjo” that word is a racial slur. I advise you change the article to the proper term: Romani. Thanks!
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Thank you.
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Lol, AND U KNOW THIS HOW..🤔🧐.ll??!?!
Huh …
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Because, those of us who are Roma, or non but respectful, know this term as perjorative and oppressive. Would you use the n-word, or other terms, in a public forum? I would assume not, but if you do, then I guess we know which R word could be used to describe you chavale…
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This is actually common knowledge. You don’t have to belong to a minority group to recognize racist slurs.
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A slur is a slur, no matter who says it. And that includes words like gadju, gadjoe, or however you spell it-it is used perjoratively by the Romani. Maybe we’d all just better start calling each other human, and leave it at that.
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@Angela
Not all “Gypsy” are Romani. The original meaning of the word, Gypsy comes originally from the place, Egypt.
I advise you study up on your history…lol
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Thanks Chiara,
Yes this reference has gotten a lot of attention. It seems to be a vast topic that touches on all types of cultures. My grandfather’s ancestors (15th century) were from Spain and he once told me “we were gypsies”. Lots to dig deep on and understand. Thanks for your correction and comment!
Suzette, Founder
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No, we aren’t from Egypt, Gadje thought that we were and the name was still a slur even then. We are from the north of India, right by what is now the Iranian border.
Please do not use the term Gypsy if your only claim to our identity is a family story with nothing to provide evidence that is is more than a story.
Please use Roma, Romani or specific divisions of our people such as Romanichel (which is what I aml, Kale, Kalderash, Manouche Usari and others but never the word beginning with G
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They are actually from north India and it has proved too even their language is similar to mix of 3-4 north Indian languages I understood 80% of it.
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My adopted son is Romani his Ancestry.com came back 70% Persian with a small portion registering as Greek and from Crete. He was born in Lithuania where his parents lived at the time. So yes the Romani are from Northern India/Iran
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Thank you for your adding your personal experience.
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Actually it is a specific reference dating back to the middle ages that the populace with limited geographic knowledge used to refer to the darker skinned Roma. The traditions described here are typical on the Romani population, not the Irish.
Perhaps you may wish to check out actually history beyond what you made up…
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You might want to take your own advice. Romani have nothing to do with Egypt.
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I fully agree. The word gypsy is derogatory and demeaning. The ignorance of Europeans who encountered dark skinned people who didn’t look like themselves “assumed” they came from Egypt. The term stuck and is as inaccurate and ignorant today as it was 600 years ago. I am half Ludar, and there has never been a time when we have needed to refer to ourselves as gypsies. My people have a name and a culture and only those who don’t know about it need to use an incorrect and meaningless word to refer to us. Please honor other’s culture with humility, do your research, be curious and ask questions.
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As the current editor-in-chief at SevenPonds, I believe the title should be amended to …Romani Burial Traditions based on my reading and the many comments here. We all live and learn! What was deemed appropriate 7 years ago has obviously caused some controversy in 2021. I will make an adjustment to the title and text.
Thanks to all who contributed to this discussion. It was enlightening for me!
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I will agree with Angela not all gypsies are Roma or Romani. The word gypsy comes from the Greek word Gyftos or Gyptos which means Aigyptios. Egyptian. Tsigganos or Anthigganos is the right word for the Roma community as their roots come from the depths of India eg look at their colourful clothes. But they have a wide mixture of both they are travellers they travel in caravans karavania. We have a big community of gyftous and Tsigganous here in Greece.
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Bro I’m sweating like a gypsie with a mortgage
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the gypsies came from india
not Egypt
check your facts
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You mean Roma?
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I’m from a family of Kent and Essex Romany who moved into houses in the 20s. Brought up speaking a few words, understanding a few of our traditions. Or rather, in some cases, only understanding they WERE Romany traditions at a certain age, because my friends’ households and parents and grandparents didn’t do them.
Anyway – my mum and my gran and my gran’s incredible number of cousins, had no problem with calling themselves or being called ‘gypsy’. So what Chiara feels about the use of that word isn’t universal. If she is offended then she has a right to be and to say so, but don’t assume everyone feels the same way.
It’s true that the label came about in error – sort of. When the first Romany people showed up in England, printing and literacy were very slowly beginning to spread. There were a few semi-fantastical travel journals around at the time, describing far-off lands with a dash of a truth and great deal of invention. So when people saw the Romany, darker-skinned, maybe wearing gold, maybe living in tents sometimes, too – they said, ‘Are you Egyptians?’ And the truth is that after being nomadic for centuries, the people they asked that question to, didn’t particularly care. Quite often the Romany didn’t know where they HAD come from. And regardless of that, they were quite happy to let the Gorjoes (non gypsies) think what they liked, because the Gorj were fascinated by ancient Egypt, mummies, spells, charms etc. And that meant it was easy to get work and money (and not be chased out of every town and village) reading palms, telling fortunes, peddling cures and charms and so on. Not because the Romany really had some ancient mystic-magical gift, but because that was what the Gorjoes believed, so they made good use of it. Why not?
Incidentally, there’s a lot of older Romany people in Europe – particularly in the poorer south and east – who are utterly insulted at the idea of coming from India, and refuse to accept it. Responses were similar when linguists and historians broached the idea with English, Scots and Welsh Roma. Believe it or not, prejudice exists in their communities, too!
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Thanks Matt for this! I am non-gypsy and I don’t understand how Romany and Travelers could be angry at non-gypsy, when the GRT groups are very private and don’t let others in to understand the customs, laws, etc…
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Hi Matt,
Wow what an information and perspective packed essay on your Romany roots. My grandfather was from Spain (I have the skin color) and he once told he that his family were Gypsies yet without judgment when he brought it up. When I read about the Romany in Spain they have assimilated. I missed out on what you had the fortune to experience. Experiencing cultural roots is rich as you explain. That said it’s nice to hear another viewpoint from someone raised in a Romany family. Thanks for the new viewpoint and the time to enlighten us all.
Suzette Sherman, Founder SevenPonds
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Matt’s pretty much correct. I, too, am of Romanichal stock, but the trutch is there is much mingling depending on where a family travelled. If you marry into a Roma family, you become Roma etc.
Anyway, as to the beliefs of the southern/eastern, there is a schism. Referring to the migrations, there is a distinction Eastern and Western Romani differences. There also seem to see several great migrations at different times with different oral histories. Western Roma (like the English Romanichal) may well be regarded as not proper Roma by those, say, who live in Romania as the cultures, traditions, and even appearance of the peoples are so different.
May I refer the reader to materials written by Dr Ian Hanconk at the University of Texas. Ian is probably the foremost expert on the matter – he has Romanichal roots, educated at Oxford, and has spent decades researching the matter. It’s fascinating and not easy to follow where we came from as we tending to leave to permanent footprints. Oral history is often all we have, and ogften that is suppressed outside the family for fear of reprisals – to this day.
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Thank you for your recommendation. We’d love to know more.
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Wow this is all very interesting and enlightening. I am only aware of my mothers heritage which is Native American, European, and minimal Romani heritage and descent. But the side of her family that is Romani is not available to us for anything except for some years back we learned her father was completely illiterate and nomadic is the term they used. My grandfather became a wealthy man but never learned to read or write. He eventually became a successful businessman raising horses and ranching. He only could read and write his name and music. But he was Romani descent. And they were what you would call nomadic travelers and they lived as gypsies is what I was told. However I do see the way the term is offensive. However I feel like too many people capitalize on offense nowadays and the suffering and what not on their families cultural backgrounds rather we should change our perspectives and look at the beauty in the traditions on the ways these negative stigmas or negative situations they may have encountered. Because they never allowed it to stop them and the traditions and what not that came shaped from these are still beauty from ashes. While I hate how unfairly and at times barbaric certain things where for anyone in any culture. Very few of those comments were on topic of the tradition the article spoke of. Which I think this article was informative and gave me insight. I just had hoped for more information in the comments of those fortunate enough to have been taught, told, or experienced these traditions by the way of family members passing down the information. My grandfather and his family passed before much insight was given on the ways of our people. So while I respect and notate all of the things that are substantial from the post. Does anyone have any more insights or customs they can elaborate on that are directly related to this article I would love to learn more to become more in touch with that side of myself. Respectfully,
Rayne
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I am a English romany yes we burn our deals things.we cry like any body who loses loved ones.but were this person gets the ideas that we don’t wash I don’t no.and no we are not worried if our love ones come back and visit. We’re on earth do people get these crazy ideas from .
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So, it’s good that you removed most references to the racial slur this article originally used (you have missed one, however), but honestly this whole article reeks of exoticism. I mean, “these mysterious, nomadic tribes” that “keep us on our toes”? That’s pretty gross. This article is obviously incredibly dated and could benefit from another glance.
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Thank you for your concern. The words “Keeps us on our toes” means the culture is so fascinating and mysterious people seek to learn more about the culture. I aspire to being that type of person in life. Sometimes in life it’s about how you choose to view words. There is no ill intent and saying there is does not make it so. This is a website filled with caring and heart.
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