“The Living Years” by Mike & The Mechanics

by Mike & The Mechanics is as potent a reminder as any to make peace with our parents while we still have the benefit of connecting in the embodied world. The singer expresses regret at not having made peace with his father before he died. This topic is made all the more important as we learn, later in the song, that the singer has just welcomed a newborn son into his life, shortly after his father’s death. The overarching message is to reconcile your relationship with your parents so that your relationships with your children will not carry the same pain of misunderstanding.

I wasn’t there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn’t get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I’m sure I heard his echo
In my baby’s new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Credit: turner.com

Since the singer did not give space for the final conversations which heal so much at the end of life, he continues to feel incomplete and trapped by the past. Still entwined in the blame and shame game, he struggles to step fully into his adulthood and autonomy.

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears

Realizing that communication is the main barrier to understanding and emotional healing, he reflects on the meager legacy of disagreements and tense silence because neither he nor his father had the skillfulness, desire or help needed to address those issues.

Oh, crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got

You say you just don’t see it
He says it’s perfect sense
You just can’t get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense

The great lesson the singer has walked away with is to cultivate a different quality of relationship with his son. As he reflects on everything that was left unsaid between himself and his own father, he urges us to reach out to our parents and invite mutual healing through talking and listening, before it’s too late.