“Briefly Perfectly Human” by Alua Arthur

Alua Arthur’s authenticity is hard-earned. And in “Briefly Perfectly Human: Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real About the End,” she shares her own life journey as encouragement for readers to embrace their unique, genuine lives – before it’s too late.

In “Briefly Perfectly Human,” readers accompany Arthur through the ups and downs she’s experienced — her childhood escape from a military coup in Ghana, her brother-in-law’s early death, rocky romantic relationships, and spontaneous world travels. Throughout the process, Arthur navigates challenging life circumstances, debilitating depression, and heart-rending self-realizations. She learns that she doesn’t want to be a lawyer after all. She discovers that she doesn’t actually want to get married, or to settle down.

So, what does she want?

Following intuition and synchronicity, Arthur ventures to Cuba, where she’s inspired by lengthy conversations with a young travel companion with advanced uterine cancer. Unlike many, Arthur doesn’t shy away from looking at pain and death. And after accompanying her brother-in-law through dying, Arthur realizes that she desires to become a death doula. With her trademark humor and enthusiam, she writes:

“If I’d known then just how much death doula work would require of me, I might have gotten scared, thrown it all away, and become a nail tech. Death work is a perilous metaphysical high-wire act, and it will take you to places inside yourself you might not be ready to visit.”

Alua Arthur
Credit: Yeofi Andoh

Neverthless, Arthur leapt in, accompanying individuals on another kind of journey. Those dying from ALS, or advanced cancer. Those with racial biases that she, as a Black woman, is forced to confront and look beyond, seeking glimpses of their complex humanity. Those whose family and friends don’t understand their final wishes, and leave Arthur with feelings of guilt, shame or inadequacy. As she navigates these intense, literally once-in-a-lifetime experiences, Arthur learns from her clients and alongside them, developing an ability to identify her own limits. As she writes:

“Part of our desire to put ourselves in another’s shoes is to fix the perceived pain of the other. But there is no fixing the pain of grief or death. This means that we must get comfortable with that part of ourselves that feels helpless.”

Arthur’s brilliance lies in her refusal to avoid difficult, awkward or highly emotional encounters, both with her clients and throughout her life. As she dives straight into the mess, both Arthur and her clients — and, dare I say, her readers — become more fully themselves. More briefly, more perfectly, human.

You can watch Alua Arthur discuss the influence of death on living authentically in the TED Talk below: