“Council of Dads” by Bruce Feiler

Credit: BruceFeiler.com

Bruce Feiler was a successful author at the height of his career when doctors discovered a malignant tumor in his leg. The 44-year-old father of two was given three devastating possibilities: “The lost year, the lost leg, or the lost life.”

As Feiler faced this new reality, one concern rose above the others: his young twin daughters, Eden and Tybee. What would it mean for them to grow up without a father? He wanted them to have a sense of who he was, a likeness of him that was more than just photos and memories. So he created the Council of Dads.

The men that Feiler chose for his council had all played a part in shaping who he was. Each of them reflected a different part of his identity — the traveler who roamed the world, the writer who cherished life’s beauty, the family man whose heart belonged at home. He asked each of these men to be a part of his daughters’ lives if he died — not to take his place, but to keep his presence alive through the memories they held and the similarities they shared.

“I started making a list of six men — from all parts of my life, beginning with when I was a child and stretching through today. These are the men who know me best. The men who share my values. The men who helped shape and guide me. The men who traveled with me, studied with me, have been through pain and happiness with me.”

“Council of Dads” chronicles the year that follows Feiler’s diagnosis, in which doctor’s visits, chemo treatments, and surgeries are interwoven with moments of connection and gratitude. In assembling his council, Feiler finds himself humbled by the loyalty and support of these six men from vastly different walks of life. He also begins to take a closer look at his own father figures, searching his family history to form a picture of the men who came before him. He begins to question why he never took these steps before:

“As important as place is to my identity, I hadn’t fully mined the roots of my geography; as vital as people are to my life, I hadn’t truly plumbed the depths of my lineage. I hadn’t read my grandfather’s memoirs, delved into my father’s past, or quizzed my friends about the headwaters of their lives. I had been content with the half-known and the unsaid.”

The book is a mixture of narrative, profiles of council members, and letters that Feiler sent to concerned friends and family throughout his treatment. At times, the book takes on the tone of these letters to a fault: There is a sense of forced positivity in Feiler’s descriptions, a reluctance to expose his own suffering lest it be cumbersome to his readers. Still, he doesn’t shy away from the ugly realities of living with disease — particularly the strain and complexity it can bring to the relationships we value most. Feiler bemoans the toll that his disease has taken on his family while marveling at their resilience.

Credit: Jonica Moore/BruceFeiler.com

While “Council of Dads” is a book about facing one’s death, it’s also about examining the worth and purpose of one’s life through the lens of parenthood and friendship. In rushing from one moment to the next in our everyday lives, it can be difficult to focus on what matters most. However, when we think about the life we want for our loved ones and the person we want to be for them, the unimportant tends to fall away.