“I’m Not a Mourning Person” by Kris Carr

Best-selling author, Kris Carr’s book, “I’m Not a Mourning Person” is a hybrid of a few genres. Part memoir, part grief guide and part self-help book, Carr explores her own experience with grief and relays the lessons she learned along the way. She sprinkles quotes from well-known authors about grief, backs up advice with research articles, and shares her own personal insights all with a playful tone and easy to follow style.

Diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in her early 30s, Carr had to confront her own mortality earlier than most. In the book, she shares how her diagnosis helped her acknowledge unhealthy habits she’d developed over the years and prompted her to make major lifestyle changes. More than 20 years after her diagnosis, Carr is still thriving.

Carr’s story has given her major clout in the wellness community, making her a major influencer in the world of integrative health and healing. Although she has made her brand as a wellness leader, Carr doesn’t veer into giving prescriptive health and wellness advice as one might expect. When it comes to grief, her suggestions focus more on the psychological realm, offering ways in which to sit with anger and make space for grief.

Throughout the book we follow Carr as she confronts her father’s cancer diagnosis and eventual death, shortly after she was told by her physicians that her cancer was no longer growing and she could live a normal life.

Carr takes us from the original shock of learning of her father’s imminent death to her life after her father’s passing, unapologetically describing her low points, using them not just as anecdotes for connection, but also as anchors to later relay practical advice or realizations. Carr’s candor is frequently conveyed with a light, occasionally crass, sense of humor in which she is often butt of the joke.

Like in the chapter, Fear & Anxiety in which she advises us to soother our inner critic:

“Sometimes it’s hard to self-soothe when our inner critic shits all over our brains like demon-possessed parrots. You want to feel better, but your negative thoughts make it impossible. Inner critics are destructive for a reason: they’re trying to protect us.”

The tone is refreshing within the grief genre. Grief authors who take on a serious tone with heartbreakingly detailed descriptions of their loss can become a burden of the reader. Carr, however, has chewed on her grief long enough to make it easily digestible to her readers (excuse the pun).

Author, Kris Carr holding her book.

“I’m Not a Mourning Person” goes beyond exploring grief within the context of the death of a loved one. Towards the end of the book, Carr discusses the many ways in which we grieve, be it from the death of a pet, divorce, or loss of a job. Grief becomes, very clearly, and unavoidable experience we must learn to confront and make space for in our lives.

For those who find themselves grasping for wisdom after experiencing a loss but are allergic to the warm and cuddly platitudes offered by traditional grief literature, “I’m Not a Mourning Person” is an excellent read for brutally honest, slightly cheeky suggestions on how to navigate loss.