How Can a Life Coach Help People Deal with Loss and Grief? An Interview with Linda Blachman, Part Two

This is part two of SevenPonds’ interview with Linda Blachman, a certified professional life coach, certified imagery guide and author (Read part one here). Currently based in Berkeley, California, Linda works with individuals in-person and by phone and Skype. She also facilitates several workshops, including one for women going through life transitions at midlife and beyond, as well as writing workshops for ethical wills and spiritual autobiographies. Today, she talks with us about what inspired her to become a certified life coach, her personal approach and how working with a life coach can be beneficial for people dealing with loss and grief.

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Zoë: Do you have any stories from your time with The Mothers’ Living Stories Project that you would be willing to share?

Linda: These women were good examples of what it means to deal with major changes that are out of our control. Sometimes we initiate change. However, the hardest changes often are ones we have no control over, such as a diagnosis of cancer. One of the mothers was a low-income 37-year-old single mom of a teenage son.  She simply couldn’t believe she had cancer. The diagnosis tore up her story and she had a crisis of faith. She became very enraged and thought, “Why me?”

Over time, as she got her chemo and saw other people—especially young children—undergoing treatment, she stopped feeling angry and sorry for herself. She realized that she hadn’t been singled out and started helping out in her community even while she was trying to work, raise her kid and deal with metastasized cancer. She had a dream of becoming a health coach, which she wasn’t able to do because her illness advanced.

The challenge opened up a sense of generosity and reconnection to other people and a larger sense of spiritual self for her. It shows the importance of restoring yourself and making a handmade life from what you have. No matter how bad it gets, you can give to others. Giving to others helped her to focus on gratefulness rather than what was missing in her life.

Zoë: Do you have any advice for readers who are considering life coaching to deal with loss and grief? What can they expect? What should they prepare for?

Linda: Certified professional life coaches — unless they are specially trained or licensed — generally do not work with people who have experienced traumatic shock, are in crisis, or are still going through the early stages of bereavement or grief. In these instances, people would best be served by a psychotherapist, bereavement counselor or support group specific for bereavement or traumatic loss. Any ethical coach will do an initial assessment on the phone and refer out if the fit isn’t right, which is what I do.

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Life coaches work with relatively well-functioning individuals who may be going through challenging life changes or who want to make a positive life change but are not dealing with mental illness, serious substance problems or trauma. The coach assesses whether a person needs a therapist or coach during the initial assessment. The first conversation is all about exploring whether it’s a good fit. You want to make sure the person is right for you.

Prepare to go with an open mind and see how you feel with the person. Listen to your body. Be attuned to yourself and protect yourself. People need support going through their issues first in order to be able to go through life planning.

Zoë: Lastly, do you have any tips to share with our readers who may be going through a life transition? 

Linda: Yes. I have four tips that I think can be of benefit to anyone who is dealing with life changes and working with a life coach.

1. CONNECT TO YOURSELF
Knowing who you are and what you want is half the battle. Finding an internal anchor and compass will keep you centered, confident and less reactive while moving through turbulent seas. Coaching helps you slow down, turn inwards and connect with your sources of aliveness, authenticity and strength. From this place of inner clarity, you can allow your deep knowing to guide you in making wise, life-affirming choices for your next chapter, as well as effectively work with the inevitable obstacles that occur along the way.

2. CONNECT TO THE PRESENT MOMENT
Rather than clinging to what is gone or forcing the future, accept what’s real in the present. Accepting ourselves and the truth of our situation paves the way to change. Coaching offers effective tools and practices to help you harvest the past for clues to aliveness, purpose and meaning; envision a positive future and cultivate the ability to be more present in the moment, which is the only place we’re truly alive.

3. CONNECT TO OTHERS
Especially during transitional times, we need witnessing, support and acceptance– whether from family, friends, a spiritual leader, a life coach or therapist; we need a community of fellow travelers. The coaching relationship offers a safe place to be real and try out different ideas, behaviors and ways of being with a compassionate, nonjudgmental person acting as witness, guide, supporter and cheerleader. Working with a coach also helps you create and connect with a network of trusted people to support the changes you are trying to make.

4. CONNECT TO SOMETHING LARGER THAN YOURSELF
Whether you call it God, nature, the life force, higher power, mystery or greater good, seeing the big picture and getting perspective on your situation can open up positive opportunities for healing, growth and transformation. Coaching can guide you through the expected stages and tasks of renewal, normalizing what feels chaotic and reframing even difficult change as a path toward creative and purposeful living.

Zoë: Thank you so much for speaking with us!

Linda: Thank you. I really appreciate it!