How Can a Life Coach Help People Deal with Loss and Grief? An Interview with Linda Blachman, Part One

Today SevenPonds speaks with Linda Blachman, a certified professional life coach, certified imagery guide and author. Currently based in Berkeley, California, she received her training from the Coaches Training Institute, Fowler Wainwright and The Hudson Institute. She holds a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology from New York University and a Master in Public Health with concentrations in maternal-child health, health education, and community mental health from UC Berkeley. In her private practice, Linda works with individuals in person and by phone and Skype. She also facilitates several workshops, including one for women going through life transitions at midlife and beyond, as well as writing workshops for ethical wills and spiritual autobiographies. Today, she talks with us about what inspired her to become a certified life coach, her personal approach, and how working with a life coach can be beneficial for people dealing with loss and grief.

Credit: Linda Blachman

Zoë: What inspired you to become a life coach?

Linda: I have worked in counseling and medical social work on and off for many years in my life. As the founder and director of The Mothers’ Living Stories Project and a trained life historian, I helped mothers with cancer share their stories as a legacy for their children. People would ask me if it was depressing work. I would tell them that it was the most enlivening and important work I’ve done. People facing mortality recognize how precious life is. A lot of my work and life is about focusing on aliveness and authenticity.

After the project lost its funding, I wrote a book featuring the stories of these women. Later, I realized I wanted to help others through life transitions. I work with all ages, mostly people facing middle age and beyond. I want to help them realize how precious life is.

One other important thing I learned from the mothers and others going through various struggles — divorce, illness, bereavement and such — is that we live through stories all the time. Not only do major events and struggles shake up our lives, but they shake up our stories as well. We’re pushed against the uncertainty in life and our lack of control in situations. As hard as it is, navigating life challenges and changes can be a very creative process. I like to think of my work as helping people find perspective so they can revise their stories and craft a positive and fulfilling new chapter.

Zoë: As a life coach, what is your personal approach, and how do you address your clients’ individual needs?

Linda: With each individual, I listen to them, help them understand and have them open up their dreams to figure out new possibilities in life. Knowing what you want is half the problem. I help to open them up to what they desire and to see that they could probably have more than they realize. I use many creative ways, such as writing, collage and the like, to help them think through all the obstacles and not let those obstacles stop them.

My job is helping people examine and expand their stories and let go of negative, limiting beliefs. I also do some education with clients to help them see that growth and change happens all the time. I help them learn how to think about making changes through a creative process rather than focusing on the negative. With some people, it can also be very spiritual.

Like most coaches, I help people identify their goals. However, I take the right approach by working in an inner directive way. I help them to slow down and make decisions logically because, according to neuroscience, the best way to make changes in life is to think them through rationally.

Credit: Linda Blachman

Zoë: Your website mentions, “All the world is a very narrow bridge. And the main thing is not to fear at all.” Can you expand on that in relation to loss and grief and its connection to life coaching? How is life coaching beneficial for people dealing with loss and grief?

Linda: I love that quote, except that it refers to not fearing at all, which is rarely possible. We live on a span between two mysteries, birth and death. Loss and grief will happen; every transition we go through in life in some way involves loss and grief. Fear is a natural emotion, but it can get in the way.

I do a lot of bereavement counseling, which not every life coach does. To help those I’m coaching, I try to help them understand that grief is a natural part of life. Grief and loss are part of the journey. Each time we go through it, we’re preparing for the final transition.

I also help people deal with grief. I don’t believe we ever really finish with grief, but I remind them that things do change. It’s easy to believe that it’ll always stay the same. So I help my clients understand that if you keep attending to your grief, it will continue to move forward. The renewal cycle does follow death, loss and grief. Being in the moment and honoring what goes on in our bodies with all the changes is very important as well, so I also do a lot of mindfulness practice and stress reduction techniques with them.

Please join us next week for part two of Linda’s interview.