How Can Caregivers Support Patients Without Suffering Themselves? An Interview with Judy Long, Part One

Today, SevenPonds speaks with Judy Long, an educator and chaplain at UCSF Medical Center in San Francisco. In her role as a chaplain, she communicates with patients, families, caregivers, physicians and nurses to find the best possible care plan. Judy leads patients and their caregivers through guided meditations designed to ease suffering, and helps them find their own support system via spiritual practice, religion or other beliefs. As an educator, she trains caregivers and healthcare professionals on skills designed to assist patients. In the past, she has taught at public schools and community colleges, and she leads workshops at Stanford, UCSF and hospice facilities. She has a particular interest in helping caregivers retain their strength as they help others. 

Credit: Judy Long

Marissa Abruzzini: Thank you for speaking with us today! What got you interested in becoming a chaplain? 

Judy Long: I never thought I would become a chaplain, but caregiving was something that was part of my life early on. My father died when I was 13, and after that, my mother started working for hospitals, helping people with terminal illnesses. This was a normal thing that I witnessed throughout my life.

I was an educator for most of my life, but in my late 20s, I started doing a regular meditation practice. Then, I came back into that practice later in life, and it was sort of like coming home. I became interested in stress reduction techniques, and that led me to an introductory program for chaplaincy. After I finished the program, I did a residency at a teaching hospital, and I’ve been a chaplain ever since.

Marissa: What services do you offer your patients and their caregivers? 

Judy: I think all of us give care. The patients focus on caring for themselves, the family and physicians focus on caring for the patient. My job is to figure out how we can get the best quality of life and coordinate this in a balanced way. Personally, I like to know what each area is doing. I like to communicate with nurses, physicians and families to enhance quality of life for the patient.

Specifically, I help patients discover, or rediscover, spirituality, and use this as a resource for healing. This looks different for each person. For example, someone with a strong religious background might need to reconnect with people in their faith community. I might ask whether they’re keeping in touch with that community. For someone who’s not religious, but spiritual, I might ask them what matters most to them in life and uncover the layers of their beliefs. I help them to see their own resources and find balance in the midst of suffering.

Marissa: How do you know which method to use?

Credit: Flickr.com

Judy: I keep a sense of curiosity. I try to have a listening presence, and I try not to assume or form ideas in my own mind beforehand. Also, I invite both myself and the person I’m working with to explore. I ask about their traditions and culture. The important thing is to give them one-on-one training, which is very evidence-based, but also keep my heart open. Caregivers need to be grounded, but they also need to be vulnerable.

Marissa: That must be a difficult thing to balance. What sorts of problems do caregivers encounter when they’re trying to help patients? 

Judy: Most people care deeply. It’s a strength, but it’s also a problem. We easily get swept off our feet and overwhelmed. At the same time, we might try to protect and armor our hearts. We hold ourselves apart from patients so that we don’t hurt as much. The question is how to open ourselves up without getting into emotional trouble. Many caregivers don’t know how to do that. It’s hard stuff because we’re often so focused on the patient that the family’s suffering becomes almost secondary.

Marissa: Are there any methods that caregivers and families can use to make this easier? 

Judy: There are three skills that we can all learn when we take care of others:

1. 

   Credit: Wikipedia.org

   Creating an intention and finding meaning. What’s important to you? Some people know immediately, whereas others need time to think about this. Next, connect with a purpose based on the thing that’s most important. For caregivers, this is larger than the self. It’s as simple as remembering that they chose to be here, and finding out why they chose this path.

2. Avoiding isolation. This is counter-intuitive, because in a hospital, you’re surrounded by people every day, yet caregivers often feel the need to be alone. They feel as though they have to stay strong for their loved one, and they can’t admit that they are suffering too. It makes them feel guilty, like they are taking the focus away from the patient. Humans don’t have sharp teeth or claws — we only have our ability to work as a community. We have an innate need to connect. Caregivers should identify the important people in their lives and reach out to them. They need their community now more than ever.
3. Finding choices in the present. We don’t have a lot of choice in life. When someone’s going through a terminal illness, we can’t always change what we don’t like. But we do have some say. When we become present, we give ourselves an opportunity to grow. Awareness and mindfulness give us the capacity to choose where we put our minds in any given moment. The mind is amazing! I might get on the phone with my brother in Boston, and he might say something that makes me really angry. In the moment, I can pause and notice that my forehead is furrowed and my breathing is heavy. At the same time, I still feel love for my brother, even though he’s making me angry in this moment. Taking that pause helps us reflect and make a choice about what we want to focus on in the moment.

Want to get more tips on being a great caregiver? Join us next week for the second part of our interview with Judy Long, where she talks about how to practice self-care during the holidays.