How Do I Memorialize a Loved One with Jewelry? An Interview with Claire McHan

Today, SevenPonds speaks with Claire McHan, operations manager and support manager for Heart In Diamond, a company that specializes in making diamonds out of loved one’s hair or ashes and converting them into beautiful pieces of jewelry that serve as memorials for those who have died. From her Georgia home, McHan speaks with families about their wishes, suggesting the perfect diamond option based on color, size and cut, and taking into account the loved one’s personality. Her goal is to personalize the grieving process, empowering families to choose how to remember their loved ones and their pets. 

Credit: Claire McHan

Marissa Abruzzini: What originally got you interested in your work with Heart In Diamond? 

Claire McHan: I came to Heart In Diamond via a very personal journey with a friend that had lost her husband. I witnessed grief in its rawest form, and I followed her through a shift in that grief as she took her own journey through the Heart In Diamond process.

Marissa: What does your work with Heart In Diamond entail? 

Claire: A typical day starts out like most others. I check my email to see what overnight inquiries have come in. These are a priority, and I answer them and send the person detailed information about our diamond-making process. I tend not to call unless specifically asked to. This is a very personal journey and I respect a family’s privacy at all times.

I then take care of current customers, ensuring all update reports that are due have been sent out. I take care of our Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest accounts. I try to keep these posts light and informative. With our pet page, I post pet-related topics as well as amusing and informative videos. I deal with jewelers to discuss client settings, as well as funeral homes and veterinary hospitals. I’m always looking at the news to see if there is a newsworthy story we can support. We like to be as charitable as we can.

Marissa: What do you want your clients to get out of their experience with Heart in Diamond? 

Claire: I am confident in saying that our clients get the most caring, thoughtful experience with us. My international colleagues all have their own personal journeys that they’ve been through. As for myself, I’ve gone through this process too , and I really get what is required  to be the soft voice at the end of the phone. My goal is to be the person that empathizes, and not sympathizes. As a company we have shared many tears over the years witnessing the varied ways that we have formed our connections with our clients. They will feel secure and respected throughout the whole process, always.

Marissa: Do you have any stories from your clients to share?

Claire: They all stand out, and I still send emails to some of my families to check in on them from time to time. I make a mental note when it is an anniversary or a symbolic date, and I’ll just send a quick email and say, “I have been thinking about you, so I thought I’d just see how you’re doing.”

Two stories that stand out are a young girl who had lost her mother to cancer, and three years after that, her family home burned down. She lost her father, grandmother and two siblings in that fire.

After her father’s death, Claire had a yellow diamond ring made in his honor.
(Credit: Clare McHan)

She and another sibling were taken to the hospital, and sadly, she was the only survivor. I got a call from her godfather to see if we could help with a discount, because this child had nothing — absolutely nothing. We could not think of anything less than a 100 percent discount. How could we take from a child who had nothing? We are all mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles. We had to do this for her.

Another poignant story was a brave girl from Texas whose son was stillborn at full-term. She had a mixed reaction to her grief, which prompted her to write a short story entitled “I’m Not Afraid To Talk About It.” She then contacted me, and we started her journey. We are firm friends now, and I’m happy to say she has welcomed another son into the world.

Marissa: Why should someone consider having their loved one’s or a pet’s ashes converted into diamonds? 

Claire: First, a diamond is the visual essence of your loved one that you take everywhere with you. Second, having ashes at home is an easy way to keep them with you if you’re part of the immediate family. But if you’re part of the extended family or a friend, you do not have that same home connection.

Also, when you keep ashes in an urn, there’s always the dilemma of who to pass them down to when you die. Who really wants them?

Lastly, when you have a diamond, you don’t feel compelled to visit your loved one’s graveside. If you move elsewhere, you still have that person with you in diamond form, and you do not have the guilt of not being able to visit the grave. You can also include a lock of your own hair in with the ashes, giving you a sense of continued unity.

Marissa Abruzzini: How does your company transform hair and ashes into different kinds of diamonds? 

Claire McHan: First, the lab does a full chemical analysis and breakdown that is detailed on the client certificate. The carbon contained inside is then extracted and added to the diamond-growing foundation that we provide. From this, a crystalline matrix will grow, thus creating the diamond. The mixture is placed in an HPHT (high pressure, high temperature) machine where this unique and complex machinery will recreate the diamond-growing conditions that you see  naturally growing deep in the Earth’s core. Temperatures get as high as 3,600 degrees, and the machines exert 60,000 atmospheres of pressure against the carbon to grow the diamond. After the growth phase, our specialists polish and cut your diamond in accordance with industry standards to accommodate your request.

Steps for Ordering a Diamond

1. Contact Heart In Diamond directly, via email.
2. Fill out the questionnaire they send you in the mail, and follow the instructions  about net steps.
3. Send the ashes or hair to Heart In Diamond either via your funeral director or according to the instructions provided.
4. Sign a Chain of Custody document, giving Heart In Diamond permission to convert the ashes or hair into a diamond.
5. The laboratory creates the diamond, after which it is carefully packed and sent to you.

Marissa: What are the benefits of having a lab-made diamond, as opposed to a natural diamond? 

Claire: There are political and social issues associated with natural blood diamonds, (conflict diamonds) and also the negative impact that mining has on the environment. Lab-made diamonds don’t have these ecological or political problems. We don’t just make diamonds for those who have died, either. Our diamonds have a happy market, where we make wedding, engagement, and anniversary diamonds from a living person’s hair. Couples will both send me their hair, and we combine it to make engagement rings. In this situation, a couple is looking for something unique and ecologically-friendly.

Credit: Heart In Diamond. The company can make memorial jewelry out of a pet’s hair or ashes as well.

Marissa: How do you suggest showcasing these diamonds? What types of diamonds should a family consider for a memorial? 

Claire: Families will often choose a color that evokes a memory. For example, a blue diamond will remind them of the color of that person’s eyes, or the red will symbolize love. I chose the orange-yellow because my dad passed away in Japan, so that color for me symbolized the land of the rising sun.

Settings are optional. We can use an existing item of jewelry, we can make a bespoke piece, or a client can have one sourced closer to their home. There are lots of choices and we will advise our clients regardless of whether they buy a setting from us or not. It has to be perfect, and we know that.

Rings and pendants are very popular, as well as a single earrings — ours all come with a secure safety back to them, for those worried about losing a small earring.

Marissa: How do you walk a client through an especially difficult loss, like the loss of a child? 

Credit: Claire McHan

Claire: I am a mother, so what I do is extend the same care that I would want to receive for myself. Many mothers have babies that have not reached full-term, but they are still their babies regardless of which gestation period they reached. In these cases, I always refer to them as their children. I have to try and remain clear and concise on the calls, but after they’re over, I always crumble. I just think to myself how hard that must have been for a family to call me. They put so much trust in me, and they send me their child’s ashes…it’s just unbelievable. I am so humbled by their trust and will never get used to having to do this. I don’t ever want it to become routine.

Marissa: What do you want your clients to remember as they go through this experience for themselves?

Claire: I understand that this is a huge leap of faith for families to place their trust in us, and I am grateful. I want to reassure families that they will all be treated like family. It is as simple as that. One thing that our families will all tell you is that they never feel obligated to order. We give you all the help and guidance you need. When and if you are ready, we are here.