Coping with Grief During the Holidays

Holidays often lend an acute awareness to a loss, whether we experienced the loss of a loved one just months ago or decades ago. Re-living the routines they were once part of and interacting with all the people who knew them can spark memories that are at once delightful and painful.

Here are some tips from Open to Hope especially designed for coping with grief during the holidays:

Mind Self-Care:

Accept the support of friends and family. Allow or ask them to help with the shopping, baking, and preparations for the holidays, so you aren’t overwhelmed.

Allow yourself to feel your grief. If you want to cry, go ahead. If you are overcome with emotion during a particular activity, don’t be afraid to leave the room, or ask the group to be left out. Set aside time to reflect on your feelings; for example, take a walk to reflect, watch a movie you know will make you sad.

Try something new. Adopt a new tradition this year that represents your moving on.

Join or connect with a grief support group.

Buy yourself a special gift.

Avoid unhealthy behaviors like excess eating, spending, or drinking that mask your feelings.

Change, create or eliminate traditionals:

Homemade gift

Evaluate your holiday routine. Determine what is helping you, and what may be triggering your grief. Do you want to continue with past traditions, or is it easier to enjoy the holiday if you try something new?

Don’t be afraid to keep your deceased loved one involved. Hang their stocking among the rest on the mantel.  Engage the family in their favorite games. Decorate their gravesite for the holiday.

Honor the Person You’ve Lost:

Make homemade gifts for loved ones that represent the person you’ve lost; i.e., quilts, gift baskets, tree ornaments, stockings.

Decorate a memorial tree, and add a special ornament each year.

Light a special candle.

Say a special prayer or mantra, or take a moment of silence to honor your loved one.

Donate gifts or money to charities in their name.

Order custom stamps with your loved one’s picture on them to use when you send holiday cards.

Remember that it’s perfectly “normal” to have an especially hard time coping with grief during the holidays. Keeping your loved ones in your heart and part of your holiday traditions does not mean (as many believe) that you haven’t “moved on”. We all cope with grief in our own way and in our own time, and this is a perfectly healthy way for you to get through this difficult time of  the year.

What methods have you used to cope with the loss of a loved one during particularly difficult times? Share your tips in the comments!

Image by Suzi Duke (Creative Commons)