How to Cope with Grief on Thanksgiving

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Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude, family and celebration, which is exactly why the holiday can also be incredibly difficult if you’re grappling with grief. Coping with the loss of a loved one during this festive season may intensify feelings of emptiness and sorrow. You might also feel guilty for enjoying a joyous, festive day without the one you lost.

Whatever the emotions, it is healthy to acknowledge them and let yourself feel them. At the same time, a holiday centered around being thankful can be a lovely opportunity to begin to heal through gratitude. There are some things you can do both to take care of yourself, and to remember the person you lost during Thanksgiving: 

Don’t overburden yourself: Holidays can be stressful whatever the situation, but if you’re experiencing grief, you should be mindful to not take too much on. Set realistic expectations for yourself and give yourself some grace to skip out on certain activities if you need to. If you are usually the one to host or cook dinner, this might be a year where you don’t take that on. 

Plan for some self-care: Beyond giving yourself permission to participate as much or little as you feel, you can also schedule time during the day to do whatever you need to do. For example: go for a solo walk, meditate, or leave the celebration early to cuddle with your pet.

Gratitude sharing: Many people have a Thanksgiving tradition of going around the table saying what they’re thankful for. You can adapt this to ask everyone to share something they are grateful for about the person who died, creating a small memorial moment for them during the holiday.

Setting a place at the table for your loved one: While not for everyone, this act involves creating a space for remembrance by setting a place at the table for the departed. This tangible acknowledgment can provide a sense of inclusion and comfort and make it feel like the person is gathered with you in spirit. If this feels like too much, you can simply light a candle for them.

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Cook their favorite dish: Thanksgiving is obviously very food-focused, so preparing the favorite food of someone who has died is a good way to incorporate and honor them on this particular day. Food is also very tied to memory. If their favorite dish isn’t a traditional Thanksgiving food, all the better! It will feel special to have their “thing” be it fish tacos, spaghetti or falafel. 

Thanksgiving may serve as a poignant reminder of the absence of a loved one, but it is possible to navigate the holiday with a mix of reflection, remembrance, and self-compassion.