What Are the Top Five Regrets of the Dying?

Bronnie Ware. Photo credit: www.couriermail.com.au

Not long ago, SevenPonds highlighted Jane McGonigal’s TED Talk on the potential that certain video games have to improve our health. As a video game designer, McGonigal wanted to create a positive activity for those who were ill or nearing the end-of-life. In order to accomplish this, McGonigal investigated specific anxieties and fears of those on their deathbed.

Photo credit: blog.naver.com

Her research led her to the writings of Australian Bronnie Ware, a blogger with extensive experience as a palliative care nurse. In 2012, Ware published The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. Ware felt her life transform as she spent time listening to the needs of those who were dying. She was so inspired that she felt compelled share the various regrets they told her, in the hopes that others might address them earlier on in life.

So what are the top five regrets of the dying, as observed by Ware? Below are her patients’ listed regrets, accompanied by Ware’s commentary:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“It is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“[Male patients] missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“[Patients] had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.”

Do any of the above regrets strike a chord with you? If not, what fears do you anticipate having towards the end-of-life — and how can one try to assuage them beforehand?

Related SevenPonds Articles:

• The Healing Power of Hugs
• NPR’s Scott Simon on Tweeting at a Death Bed
• The Site “See Your Folks” Reminds Us to Spend Time with Parents